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Band 4.5

Shopping online has various advantages for consumers but it may also have several disadvantages including the loss of individual privacy. Do the advantages of online shopping for consumers outweigh the disadvantages?

#consumers #loss #privacy
In various nations around the world, many
people
 are doing online shopping rather than
shop
Wrong verb form
shopping
show examples
. Some of the consumers think that it is extremely efficient for them
whereas
 others are not. It is undeniable that online shopping gives
people
 a great number of cons,
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
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 there are some drawbacks to it. I personally believe that the benefits are more significant. The disadvantage of online shopping is
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 customers tend to lose individual privacy.
This
 is because we need to create an account and disclose our bank details for the company in order for shipment and payment.
For instance
,
we
Correct word choice
if we
show examples
 have to sign up for an account in the Shopee
apps
Fix the agreement mistake
app
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then
 only we can proceed with our purchase.
As a result
, certain
people
 think that
this
 is insecure
due to
 there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high rate of online scammers
recently
Rephrase
apply
show examples
around the world.
On the other hand
, one of the major merits is online shopping can help consumers reduce expenses ,especially in transportation and parking fees. Take Singapore as an example, parking fees in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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shopping malls are expensive and there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 an increase in transportation fares recently. So, by
purchase
Wrong verb form
purchasing
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 things from the websites, they can absolutely save the costs and they only need to pay for the delivery fee.
Moreover
, online shopping is tremendously convenient for
people
 nowadays. We can see that the majority of employees have spent half of the day at work, so
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 hardly have spare time to go to the shop to top up the groceries,
thus
 online shopping will be their priority and wise choice.
Consequently
, they manage to complete two tasks at one time.
To sum up
, I believe the merits are of greater significance than the demerit.
Although
 we need to disclose our privacy to the website, online shopping will definitely help
people
in saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
 costs and brings them convenience in their daily life. Given
this
, it is recommended that the public should start to practice shopping online as compared to the old method of shopping.
Submitted by tehmaylean on

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task response
Address the advantages and disadvantages in more detail and provide more balanced argumentation.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear logical structure with a more effective introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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