IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write an essay to an educated reader to discuss both advantages and disadvantages of advertising. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer.

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Now a day
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Nowadays
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, advertising is a very common feature of all our daily media. Despite some obvious advantages of
this
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 trend, I would to discuss both advantages and disadvantages of advertising. On the one hand, there are a number of advantages when manufacturers introduce
products
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. The first benefit of advertising is that customers can have
a
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apply
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better shopping
choice
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choices
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. The reason for
this
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 is that advertising helps them get a lot of information about different
products
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 in the market. Another benefit is that because advertising is so important, it creates many opportunities for manufacturers to find customers.
For example
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,
currently
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currently,
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due to
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 the Covid-19 epidemic, agricultural
products
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 are sold through advertising to people to buy goods to help.
This
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 helps farmers not to suffer economic loss.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 trend
also
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 causes several problems.
Firstly
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, when
product
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 quality is not always as advertised.
Some
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In some
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 cases take advantage of famous people to promote
products
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 that create trust for customers.
Moreover
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, the information given in the advertisement is not true to the actual
product
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, causing buyers to lose faith in the advertisement.
Second,
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if the advertising program for a
product
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 is too much, it will cost a lot of money,
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this
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and this
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 will increase the price of the
product
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, affecting the interests of consumers.
For example
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, every second of advertising on television costs an average of 10 million VND, it can increase many times in the golden hours associated with sports events. In conclusion,
although
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advertising
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the advertising
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 industry brings a
lof
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lot
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 of benefits to manufacturers, it
also
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 has some negative
influence
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influences
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 on consumers.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction could be clearer and more engaging. Consider restating the topic in a more compelling way.
Task Achievement
Add more depth to your arguments, particularly in the advantages section. Each point could be expanded to demonstrate a wider perspective on the benefits of advertising.
Task Achievement
In the disadvantages section, ensure that all points clearly align with the main argument and provide detailed examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of advertising, which is commendable.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples such as the impact of advertising on agricultural products during the pandemic provide concrete support to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic boost
  • consumer awareness
  • innovations
  • wiser purchasing decisions
  • improved product quality
  • deceptive advertisements
  • excessive consumerism
  • environmental issues
  • perpetuate stereotypes
  • unrealistic expectations
  • body image concerns
  • materialism
  • foster competition
  • significant revenue
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