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Band 7.5

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

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Introduction
In recent years, there has been a controversial debate about the key components of
happiness
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,
people
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 believe that one of the most important factors is financial condition. From my perspective, it is possible for
people
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 to be happy even if they only have little
money
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, and there are still many aspects of
life
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 having a vital role to play in producing/creating
happiness
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.
Body paragraph 1
There are many reasons why I consider that without
money
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people
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 can still feel satisfied with their lives.
First
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 of all,
although
Linking Words
money
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 brings
happiness
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 to many
people
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, there are still many other activities that can make
people
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 pleased (even) without
money
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. A nonprofit organization would be a great/prime example, they work constantly to help strangers in need without looking forward to a financial return which gains them satisfaction by seeing
people
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 happy and being proud of themselves.
Secondly
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, being wealthy is often associated with a busy
life
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, while a simple
life
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 is often synonymous with having a small amount of
money
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. To be more specific,
happiness
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 comes from little things in
life
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.
In other words
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,
people
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 living a plain
life
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 are easier to be happy as they notice and admire basic, little things just like a song, or nice weather which a busy one may not have time to care about.
Body paragraph 2
Some methods could be implemented to make contributions to
happiness
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. One way to achieve satisfaction in
life
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 is to be grateful. Specifically,
people
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 often suffer from mental illnesses like stress, strain because they always have desires of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
higher living conditions like property escalation, career advancement,... without appreciating what they already have.
Therefore
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,
people
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 living with
gratitudes
Fix the agreement mistake
gratitude
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 can fill their lives with
happiness
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. Being realistic is
also
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 worth doing to improve mental health. Many
people
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 who are called perfectionists tend to have excessive expectations and
then
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 fail to achieve them. It results in creating a lot of disappointments,
demotivations
Correct your spelling
demotivation
 which can be large obstacles
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
happiness
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 .
Hence
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, having an objective view is conducive to decent mental health.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that
people
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 can be happy no matter how much
money
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 they have, and there are many other ways to be satisfied.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Promoting happiness
  • Essential factors
  • Financial stability
  • Material wealth
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Contentment
  • Basic needs
  • Maslow's hierarchy of needs
  • Social connections
  • Pursuing passions
  • Well-being
  • Mental health
  • Spiritual practices
  • Personal growth
  • Community service
  • Societal contribution
  • Philanthropy
  • Joy
  • Satisfaction
  • Prosperity
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