IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that there should b fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #b #punishments #type #crime #circumstances #motivation #account #punishment
In today's world,
crime
 and
punishment
(s) associated
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
these
Change the determiner
this crime
these crimes
show examples
crime
 is a controversial issue. Many believe that there should be fixed
punishments
 for each type of
crime
 while others believe that factors
such
 as
circumstances
 and
motivation
 should be accounted
when
Change preposition
for when
show examples
 deciding on the
punishment
.
Firstly
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
having fixed
punishments
 has its own advantages.
By having
Change preposition
Having
show examples
 knowledge of
punishment
 in advance would discourage many people to commit these crimes,
hence
, resulting in reducing
crime
 rates.
In addition
,
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
 and order system would be simplified . Processing times of court trials and cases would be reduced dramatically since there are pre-defined
punishments
.
However
, it is obvious that people who commit crimes due to certain
circumstances
 and
motivation
 cannot be treated in
similar
Change the article
a similar
show examples
 manner to criminals ;
such
 as , a murder committed as an act of
self-defense
Change the spelling
self-defence
show examples
 is not
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as a murder committed in order to terrorise people.
Similarly
, a father robbing a shop to save her daughter life at
hospital
Correct article usage
a hospital
show examples
 is definitely not
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as a professional thief robbing a bank.
Also
,
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
 and order system can be deemed fairer in
this
 arrangement as it takes
circumstances
 and
motivation
 into the account.
Finally
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
either
way
Add a comma
,way
show examples
 there are pros and cons associated
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 it. In my view,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
having fixed
punishments
 would help to reduce
crime
 ,
however
,
crime
 conducted due to certain
circumstances
 and
motivation
 should
also
 be considered while deciding on
punishment
such
 as
act
Add an article
an act
the act
show examples
 of
self-defense
Change the spelling
self-defence
show examples
.
Submitted by anjana.dreamhomes on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: