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Band 5

In many situations, people who break the law should be warned instead of punished. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#situations #people #law
At present, people have different thoughts when it comes to
punish
Change the verb form
punishing
show examples
 the lawbreakers. Some believe every rule breaker must be punished whereas
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others oppose that view. In
fact
Add a comma
,fact
show examples
 I
also
 believe there should be a fine line in between which should be punished and which should be not. Because if a
person
 with minor offences goes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail
, he will not be the same
person
 when he
come
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comes
show examples
 out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail
.
Firstly
, the societies where we live believe, if a
person
 goes to
jail
 that means he is a criminal.
This
 leads the other folks not to associate
that
Change preposition
with that
show examples
person
. That innocent
person
 may have gone to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison wrongfully or it may be a minor driving offence.
Hence
, he will be a worthless
person
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Furthermore
, there are lots of news articles about
such
 people suicide themselves or even become serial killers. But if the judge pardons them or even if they were ordered to do community work,
this
 could be a different scenario.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
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 when innocent citizens
jailed
Add a missing verb
are jailed
show examples
, they automatically become victims of the dons who runs little thug clusters inside. To stay unharmed they have to become part of those groups and has to abbey the
leaders
Change to a genitive case
leader's
leaders'
show examples
 orders. Once they build up
such
 connections, they come out of
jail
 as a real criminal. And of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
 the society will again plot the seeds to criticise that victim. To conclude, even though the correction centres are made for criminals, every crime cannot be measured in
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 way.
Therefore
 I strongly believe minor
rule breakers
Add a hyphen
rule-breakers
show examples
 must be given at least a
second
 chance to correct themselves.
Submitted by mahen527 on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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