IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In some countries it is illegal to refuse people applying for jobs because of their age. Is it a positive or a negative development, in your opinion?

Denying job opportunities on the basis of advanced
age
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 is considered a crime in few countries.
However
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, in my opinion, it is a negative development because it can affect the overall progress of a nation.
This
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 essay will discuss in the
first
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 paragraph, how old
age
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 medical issues have an impact and in the
second
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 paragraph how familial responsibilities affect the working capacity of an employee.
Firstly
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, as the
age
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 advances, a plethora of physical problems hampers the energy level of an individual.
People
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 in their old
age
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 suffer not only from hypertension, diabetes and joint pain but
also
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 from lack of concentration, memory impairment and lethargy.
Therefore
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, work done by
such
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 employees most of the time hinders quality as well as punctuality in comparison with the youngsters.
In addition
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 to that, an employer may need to bear additional expenses on the health management of their elderly staff, probably more than younger ones. Resultantly financial loss happens, which
consequently
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 has a considerable negative impact on the economy of a community.
For instance
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, a cooperative bank in my town called ' The Saraswat Bank', lately retired Mr Singh a 60 years old accountant because of his excess leaves due to fitness issues.
Secondly
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, the life of the aged
people
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 is often multifaceted with owning responsibilities of family. Even though they are committed to their jobs, family problems, conflicts and responsible parenthood sometimes weaken them.
Moreover
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, these
people
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 are more intrigued with social interaction and their image, which forces them to be available in social gatherings
such
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 as marriage and engagement parties.
As a result
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 life of elderly
people
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 is more complicated,
additionally
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 they are more distracted and indisciplined.
For example
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, Mrs Deshpande in my neighbourhood usually works less than a year in one office because she was
then
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 dismissed by an employer due to intervention of her family commitments in her job.
Thus
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,
this
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 results in a waste of time and money for the employers and eventually what gets hampered, is their progress. In conclusion, referring to the economical detrimental effect of appointing old
age
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people
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 is an utterly negative development in my opinion.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age discrimination
  • equal opportunities
  • diverse work environment
  • innovative solutions
  • valuable experience
  • employment rate
  • merit-based hiring
  • qualifications
  • inclusivity
  • respect
  • age groups
  • adapt to new technologies
  • training and support
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