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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people leave their home country and go to other countries to live and work. Why is this happening? Do advantages outweigh disadvantages of this trend.

#people #home #country #countries #work #trend
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Immigration has escalated in recent times. A considerable number of people migrate to foreign nations to live and work. In
this
 essay, I will outline how
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 outweigh the drawbacks of
this
 trend by giving employment, better education and a chance to enhance their communication skills.
To begin
 with, migration provides broader job prospects to the immigrants,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
 may be lacking in their native nations. Improved lifestyle is complimentary with improved employment opportunities.
Additionally
, some people shift to other countries to attain world-class education.
For instance
, many human beings move to Germany as it
constitutes
Verb problem
has
show examples
outstanding
Correct article usage
the outstanding
show examples
 universities and colleges in the world.
Furthermore
, immigrants get to learn a new language that can help to sharpen their communication skills, which is beneficial for their personal growth. There is no denying that migration can make a person homesick. They have to live on their own without any support from their families. Perhaps, they might be
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
able to visit them only once a year. They might even miss out on important family gatherings.
Moreover
, they might experience culture shock on arriving in a new nation. Since the world is so diverse with different traditions and cultures across the globe, they might feel anxious about seeing contrasting traditions.
For instance
, people moving to Japan from the USA might face difficulties adapting to their way of greeting other human beings. In conclusion,
although
 shifting to a new country has the demerits of making a person feel lonely and astonished,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
its perks outweigh the disadvantages.
Therefore
, immigration is more beneficial for individuals in the long run.
Submitted by sksandhu84 on

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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. This will improve the coherence and make the essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. While the essay has strong ideas, more concrete details would make it even more convincing.
task achievement
Work on phrasing and vocabulary to avoid repetition and to make arguments more compelling. For example, instead of 'human beings,' simply using 'people' might sound more natural.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with a logical introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The main points are relevant and address the prompt effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view, mentioning both advantages and disadvantages of immigration.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic migrant
  • Brain drain
  • Cultural assimilation
  • Remittances
  • Expatriate
  • Diaspora
  • Transnational
  • Host country
  • Country of origin
  • Push and pull factors
  • Standard of living
  • Political asylum
  • Cross-cultural
  • Migrant workforce
  • Integration policy
What to do next:
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