Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taugh to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #taugh #co-operate #adults

Nowadays, it is frequently argued that parents should encourage

children

to be competitive,

Change the punctuation

apply

show examples

on the contrary

, others think that it is better the aspect of co-operation in light of the fact that they will become more useful for the society. In

this

essay, I will discuss both views and

then

I will explain the reason why I think that parents must teach how to collaborate

instead

of being

in contrast

Firstly

, I believe that mother and father have to encourage their

children

to improve day by day and sometimes to be competitive in order to become a better version of yourself but it is essential to understand the positive

competition

which could make you a better person but sometimes

children

are too adverse with other that they only think about their

achivement

Correct your spelling

achievements

achievement

instead

of focus on

theirselves

Correct your spelling

themselves

Although

some people think that

competition

should be

tought

Correct your spelling

taught

sought

by parents, others, including myself, believe that the best thing is to teach how to co-operate for

achiving

Correct your spelling

achieving

great goals all

togheter

Correct your spelling

together

Moreover

, the collaboration could make a number of

educate

Change the verb form

educating

show examples

adults, useful for

society

Add an article

a society

show examples

where they will work

togheter

Correct your spelling

together

for

developping

Correct your spelling

developing

the future. In conclusion, I believe that

competition

is important because it can push

yourself

Correct pronoun usage

you

show examples

to improve every day for becoming a better person but sometimes it

cuold

Correct your spelling

could

would

be a level too high of

competition

, useless for everyone. For

this

reason, I think that it is more important for

children

to understand how to collaborate as a consequence to have more

frendly

Correct your spelling

friendly

people in the future society.

Submitted by edogiova01 on Wed Sep 08 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

256 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taugh to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

In the past, most working people had only one job. However, nowadays, more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job?

It was predicted that, with the development of technology, people in the 21st century would have much more free time than in the past. To what extent has this prediction come true?

Some people believe zoos, where wild animals are kept in a man-made environment, should no longer exist in the twenty century. Do you agree or disagree?