IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Students should not be allowed to use mobile phones at school. Do you agree or disagree with this view

#students #phones #school
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The smartphone should be restricted for scholars in education Institutes . I agree with the provided statement because of some reasons
such
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 as
distract
Wrong verb form
distracting
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learners from their main purpose
as well as
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give
Wrong verb form
giving
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 birth to several fitness issues later to eyesight and neurological
disorder
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
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.
Firstly
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, students can
also
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 measure the electronic gadgets for the cheating objects objectives in the exams to embark on the prime objective of the learners in school in education so the use of
cellphone
Fix the agreement mistake
cellphones
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 should be banned in schools because
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 are myriad reasons for the statement. Mainlydirecting the devices used in the classroom can improve learning because it distracts people from studying so without mobile phones learners can easily focus on their academics to illustrate
this
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 if the strains have
this
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 smartphone in their pocket.
Secondly
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, detention will be on the phone notification and social media notifications
instead
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 of learning additional list runs can explore the mobile phones for the cheating objectives in the class test which affects badly on like add the mid-performance of the scholars in the final exams
furthermore
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 the excessive usage of smart devices can take a heavy to habitable on the energy of students as per the recent study of Oxford University the prime causes of low by reason disorder between thread is heavy use of the digital screen
as a result
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 impact negatively on both
strength
Change to a plural noun
strengths
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as well as
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 an academic which is not good for their
overall
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 development. In ,conclusion
musthe
Correct your spelling
the
 usage be provided
from of
Change preposition
by
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 cellular phones in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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schools because it
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
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 destruction and
gave
Wrong verb form
gives
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 birth to well-being trouble which can cause bad
Academy
Replace the word
academic
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 performance
consequently
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. so, I believe that
while
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 should be totally banned
in
Change preposition
during
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school hours
Submitted by shraddhakasturi on

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task response
Pay attention to staying on topic throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph contributes to supporting your stance on the use of mobile phones in schools.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly. Use transition words and phrases to connect your thoughts and make the essay easier to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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