There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays,

youths

Use synonyms

experience a lot of pressure in order to achieve academic success. Having taken other considerations, I agree with the idea of removing non-academic related materials from

school

Use synonyms

curriculums to lighten up young students’ study load.

Firstly

Linking Words

, the more

subjects

Use synonyms

that

youths

Use synonyms

learn in

school

Use synonyms

, the longer teenage students should stay in

school

Use synonyms

. Long

school

Use synonyms

period means that they have a lack of time to spend outside of the educational institution, which potentially affects their personal development since they are not able to explore the outside world. By discovering the world, they could find fresh

activities

Use synonyms

and by doing those

activities

Use synonyms

, they could maintain their mental health and relieve tension caused by academic expectations, which would allow them to gain more concentration

while

Linking Words

studying. As an example, they can find some leisure

activities

Use synonyms

that happen to be their coping mechanisms when they feel too much pressure. When they are able to control their stress, they become calmer and more focused, which enables them to have better academic performances.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, long periods of

school

Use synonyms

might make them tired.

This

Linking Words

circumstance makes the learning

activities

Use synonyms

ineffective since they are unable to concentrate.

Secondly

Linking Words

, extracurricular

subjects

Use synonyms

should not be included in the

school

Use synonyms

syllabus, yet they shall be optional materials that the young students can choose based on their interests. These kinds of

subjects

Use synonyms

are supposed to be taught outside of the study period. To illustrate, if the academy finishes at 2 pm,

then

Linking Words

the cookery or other non-academic

activities

Use synonyms

should be taught at 3 pm.

Also

Linking Words

, these should not affect their grades since the purpose of extracurricular

activities

Use synonyms

is for entertainment and hobbies purposes.

Hence

Linking Words

youths

Use synonyms

could experience

school

Use synonyms

-life balance. By having a balanced life, the children's sense of learning is increasing, which allows them to pay more attention to their academic life.

To sum up

Linking Words

, eliminating non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

could provide

youths

Use synonyms

with more time to explore the world and maintain the

school

Use synonyms

-life balance. I,

therefore

Linking Words

, remain firmly convinced that removing extracurriculars could boost children's motivation to study, which will result in better grades.

someonewhodwellsSun Dec 24 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, create clear paragraphs where each has a unique main idea, and use cohesive devices to link these ideas together. Aim for clarity in expressing the relationship between different points.

Task Response

While your essay responds to the task to an extent, you should provide more complex arguments to fully address all parts of the prompt. Your examples should be more detailed and relevant to help exemplify your points effectively.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

343 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some people argue that the extinction of certain plant and animal species is the biggest environmental issue that we confront today, while others claim that there are other environmental problems that are more important. I agree with the former viewpoint because some plant and animal species play a key role in keeping the ecosystem in balance.
7
band
You want to sell some of your furniture. You think a friend of yours might like to buy it from you. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter -explain why you are selling -describe the furniture -suggest a date when your friend can come and see the furniture
I hope you are doing great. I am writing this letter to let you know that I want to sell my sofa and might be you would like to buy it.
7.5
band
Too much emphasis is given or educating of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today’s development era, some people believe that education places too much emphasis on students which led to others arguing this money should be spent on rest movement. In this essay, I totally agree with this statement.
7.5
band
You recently bought a camera while travelling overseas. When you got to your destination you discovered that some important items were missing from the box. Write a letter to the local representative of the company. In your letter give details of the camera and where you bought it explain what has happened say what you want him/her to do about it
I am writing this letter to complain about a missing 300mm lens in my camera box purchased on December 22, 2024, at Toronto Eaton Centre in Mississauga, Canada. Moreover, it was a black Nikon D3300 camera including a charger and manual and it should have included the 300mm lens too .
6
band
Some people say that music is good way of bringin people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Some people believe that music can be a great way to socialise with other people regardless of their culture or age. I completely agree with the idea that music is a universal subject and in this essay I will explain more detail this statement.

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

You want to sell some of your furniture. You think a friend of yours might like to buy it from you. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter -explain why you are selling -describe the furniture -suggest a date when your friend can come and see the furniture

Too much emphasis is given or educating of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that music is good way of bringin people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?