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Band 5

Computers have made the world a better place to live in. Do you agree or disagree?

#computers #world #place
It is hard to imagine without
computers
. From the middle of
last
century
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century,
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 we developed technology in order to proceed
data
 faster and more
efficient
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efficiently
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,
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apply
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while
 providing us with
secured
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secure
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 ways of transferring it.
However
, are the
computers
usefull
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useful
 only or there may be some cons with
this
? Let us first start with
Pros
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the Pros
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 of
computers
. First -
speed
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the speed
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 of
data
 processing increased from
few
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a few
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 bits for the first ECMs to the point of millions being processed by
modern era
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modern-era
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peronal
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personal
computers
, not even thinking about high-tech
data-centres
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data centres
show examples
. Second - availability. As we developed less expensive processors, power modules,
storages
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storage
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 and visualising cards (like GPUs or Sound cards),
ther
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the
their
 general price for the personal computer dropped greatly.
On the other hand
, as
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the gereral
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gereral
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general
 usability of PCs increased over time, it became easy for both the skilled user and
neebee
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needed
newbie
 to operate it.
Last
, but not
the
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apply
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least, the step mankind took after
had
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having
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 connected PCs
into
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to
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 the global network
knows
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known
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 as
Internet
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the Internet
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, allowed us to communicate all over the Globe, taking away all the boundaries we used to have. We may think that
computers
 provide only benefits.
However
, there is nothing perfect ever created by
human
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humans
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. With every new
technology
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technology,
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 we get new weak tops. With
development
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the development
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 of
data
 protection we,
on the other hand
, managed to open
"Pandora`s
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a "Pandora`s
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 Box" of hacking and
data
 stealing. With
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
PCs available for everyone we depend on power too much as
blackout
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a blackout
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 can easily
couse
Correct your spelling
cause
 terrible aftereffects. And the
last
 moment - we want to have less difficult
times
.
However
, they say less difficult
times
 result in weak people, weak people result in hard
times
 and hard
times
 result in strong people. So we should always stay strong and stay away from
loosing
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losing
show examples
 basic skills just leaving
this
 all to the
computers
. In
conclution
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conclusion
,
computers
 make life easier, but only if we use
it
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them
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 wisely. After all, it takes a man to solve
the
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a
show examples
 problem no machine can.
Submitted by helgavitalivna on

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grammar
Check for grammatical errors and typos, especially in the introductory and concluding sentences.
coherence
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to create smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Expand on the examples provided to make them more specific and relevant to the main points discussed.
task response
The essay addresses both the positive and negative aspects of computer usage, offering a balanced perspective that enhances the argument.
introduction and conclusion
The introduction sets up the essay's main point effectively, and the conclusion successfully summarizes the key points presented.
logical structure
The ideas presented are clear and logically organized, making it easy to follow the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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