Computers have made the world a better place to live in. Do you agree or disagree?

Many
people
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belive
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believe
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computers
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have made the
world
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a better place to live in. Technological progress made the quality of life better for almost everyone, starting with the ordinary citizens and going all the way up to scientists,
engineres
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engineers
and
computers
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gave us
the
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a
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helping hand to achieve that.
Firstly
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, with the invention of the computer, we, as
a
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apply
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humankind, made
a
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apply
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huge progress. At the
beggining
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beginning
,
computers
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were used to encrypt or decode cyphers, which was a huge
advangae
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advantage
during war. From that period of time,
computers
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were used in every science field.
Computers
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can calculate or simulate with
the
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apply
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lightning speed, which
saved
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saves
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great
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a great
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amount of time, so the technological process
was
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is
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going faster and faster. In
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the timespan
a timespan
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timespan
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time span
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of 80 years, we went from basic sending signals
,
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apply
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to advanced AI tools that can assist in medicine,
bulding
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building
, computer science, and many other spheres. Nowadays,
computes
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computers
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can find a way to cure diseases, create schemes for engineers,
locate
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and locate
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secirty
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security
issues in bank systems, which has
great
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a great
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effect on everyone, including ordinary
people
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.
Secondly
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,
computers
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helps
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help
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not only science minds, but
a
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apply
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regular
people
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with their everyday tasks.
Computers
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gave
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have
show examples
us a way to communicate with
people
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around the globe not leaving our homes,
bunch
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a bunch
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of time-consuming tasks can be done sitting in
the
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a
show examples
chair.
For example
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, shopping, school or work projects can be done
withing
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within
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a few hours,
instead
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of spending the whole day.
Furthermore
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,
people
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of art can use
computers
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to create, show and spread their works across the
world
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, gaining popularity and receiving money, which was almost impossible before
computers
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.
To sum up
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, I agree with the idea that
computers
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have made the
world
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a better place to live in. To my mind, a good
world
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is a simple
world
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, and having a machine that can make
people
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's
life
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lives
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simplier
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simpler
means that
computers
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makes
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make
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the
world
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a better place to live in.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer. State your opinion strongly in the first sentence to show your position more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to link your ideas better. Use phrases like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to help readers follow your points clearly.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention a specific technology or study that showcases the benefits of computers.
coherence and cohesion
Check your spelling, especially for words like 'engineers' and 'security'. Spelling mistakes can distract the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use correct punctuation. For example, use commas to break up longer sentences for better understanding.
task achievement
You present clear arguments about the benefits of computers for both science and everyday life.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your opinion on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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