IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Computers have made the world a better place to live in. Do you agree or disagree?

Many
people
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belive
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believe
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computers
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 have made the
world
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 a better place to live in. Technological progress made the quality of life better for almost everyone, starting with the ordinary citizens and going all the way up to scientists,
engineres
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engineers
 and
computers
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 gave us
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 helping hand to achieve that.
Firstly
Linking Words
, with the invention of the computer, we, as
a
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apply
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humankind, made
a
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apply
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huge progress. At the
beggining
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beginning
,
computers
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 were used to encrypt or decode cyphers, which was a huge
advangae
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advantage
 during war. From that period of time,
computers
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 were used in every science field.
Computers
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 can calculate or simulate with
the
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apply
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lightning speed, which
saved
Wrong verb form
saves
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great
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a great
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 amount of time, so the technological process
was
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is
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 going faster and faster. In
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the timespan
a timespan
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timespan
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time span
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 of 80 years, we went from basic sending signals
,
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apply
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 to advanced AI tools that can assist in medicine,
bulding
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building
, computer science, and many other spheres. Nowadays,
computes
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computers
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 can find a way to cure diseases, create schemes for engineers,
locate
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and locate
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secirty
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security
 issues in bank systems, which has
great
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a great
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 effect on everyone, including ordinary
people
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.
Secondly
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,
computers
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helps
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help
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 not only science minds, but
a
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apply
show examples
regular
people
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 with their everyday tasks.
Computers
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gave
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have
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 us a way to communicate with
people
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 around the globe not leaving our homes,
bunch
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a bunch
show examples
 of time-consuming tasks can be done sitting in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 chair.
For example
Linking Words
, shopping, school or work projects can be done
withing
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within
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 a few hours,
instead
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 of spending the whole day.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
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 of art can use
computers
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 to create, show and spread their works across the
world
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, gaining popularity and receiving money, which was almost impossible before
computers
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.
To sum up
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, I agree with the idea that
computers
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 have made the
world
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 a better place to live in. To my mind, a good
world
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 is a simple
world
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, and having a machine that can make
people
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's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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simplier
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simpler
 means that
computers
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makes
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make
show examples
 the
world
Use synonyms
 a better place to live in.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer. State your opinion strongly in the first sentence to show your position more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to link your ideas better. Use phrases like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to help readers follow your points clearly.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention a specific technology or study that showcases the benefits of computers.
coherence and cohesion
Check your spelling, especially for words like 'engineers' and 'security'. Spelling mistakes can distract the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use correct punctuation. For example, use commas to break up longer sentences for better understanding.
task achievement
You present clear arguments about the benefits of computers for both science and everyday life.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your opinion on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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