IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that the arts should receive money from the government and big companies. Others feel such spending is a luxury and that it would be better if it were invested in scientific projects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #arts #money #government #companies #luxury #projects
Nowadays,many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people think that the
arts
 have to get money from their authority or famous companies, but
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 believe that it is so wasteful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
fund
Add an article
the fund
show examples
 and it should be considered for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientific research and it
is so advantage
Change the verb form
so advantages
show examples
 for
this
 group.
This
 essay would be presented
opinion
Correct article usage
an opinion
show examples
. In the new
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people need the new
arts
such
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 creative advertising by
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 technology,attractive films by effective sense, innovative decoration and other types of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new businesses for
arts
 that these are vital life for every human because in
this
 the modern age we are seeing that
pepole
Correct your spelling
people
 get more and more to need inventive
desgin
Correct your spelling
design
 for their lives and no longer need
a old or basic
Correct the article-noun agreement
old or basic art
show examples
arts
 , so many of artist require money from their authority or enormous companies for developing the
arts
. Despite the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 think that the government or well-known business should support scientists for supplement their
schem
Correct your spelling
scheme
schemes
 because they believe that in the world emerges a new problem or new diseases so should be considered for
scientific
Add an article
a scientific
show examples
 project , if their authorities don't support them , they can not solve
a new issues
Correct the article-noun agreement
new issues
a new issue
show examples
also
 they are disability for prevention epidemic diseases and
this
 result certainly will be destroyed for in the world. In my opinion,
arts
 and sciences are the same very vital for nowadays and both of the topics should be sustained for every human because every person in the new life needs motivated mental for the
arts
,
also
needs
Add the particle
toneeds
show examples
 survive of new diseases or new issues.
Submitted by aziziartist on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: