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Band 5.5

prison is the common way in most countries to solve the roblem of crime.However,a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Over the past decades,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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rampant
crime
Use synonyms
 has been provoked considerably.
Although
Linking Words
imprisonment
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 commonly believed to be
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 appropriate effort to restrict the phenomenon in many countries, education has been concerned to be more effective. In my opinion, despite the potential advantages of
equiping
Correct your spelling
equipping
 better education, the benefits of
prison
Correct article usage
a prison
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 sentence outweigh the
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it is widely adopted that lack of
eduaction
Correct your spelling
education
 usually directly leads to potential
crime
Use synonyms
. Many may argue that the more people provided moral norms and knowledge, the less rate of committing
Use synonyms
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
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.
This
Linking Words
 argument could be true to some extent. In fact, being brought up with ethics could form a person to follow the rules which
limits
Change the verb form
limit
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 the chance of violating the laws.
However
Linking Words
, the
willing
Replace the word
willingness
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 to commit the law needs to be nipped in the bud and the educational approach could not ensure the lower rate of recommitment.
For instance
Linking Words
, the crimes usually take the re-education unconsciously, likely to offence and back to the old illegal life.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is essential to take into account that
imprisonment
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 has been preferred for its undeniable,
unrejectable
Correct your spelling
unresectable
 benefits. The
imprisonment
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 is the penalty that not only
keep
Change the verb form
keeps
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 the criminals to harm
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society but
also
Linking Words
give
Change the verb form
gives
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opportunity
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the opportunity
an opportunity
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 of remorse as a humanitarian punishment.
Furthermore
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, the fear of losing freedom and spending life in prison is an effective means of determent which is a burden to potential criminals to recommit the
crime
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.
For example
Linking Words
, towards the dangerous criminals or in special circumstances
such
Linking Words
 as deeply violating the laws,
imprisonment
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 has always been prioritized in many countries.
Conclusion
Taking all
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
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fact
Fix the agreement mistake
facts
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 into account, it is clear that the benefits of
re-educational
Correct article usage
the re-educational
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 approach bring positive effects on
Add an article
the criminal
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criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
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;
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 method is eclipsed by the advantages of
imprisonment
Use synonyms
.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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