IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people believe that the public libraries should only provide books and should not waste their money on expensive hi-tech media,such as software, DVDs or Videos. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #libraries #books #waste #money #media #software #dvds #videos
In today's learning environment , public libraries have come out as a sound source for more exposure to
knowledge
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, there is a group of people who believe that the funds and donations raised by public libraries must be used for copying hard copies and getting more books from
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 but the other part argues that the money must be used to get access to hi-tech
technolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
 . I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 and oppose the former part.
To begin
 with, technology is something that can help people to get more
information
 immediately. In comparison to
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 books
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 that source of
knowledge
 which are
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 as they need a long process of
writng
Correct your spelling
writing
, editing, and printing. Not only
this
 but hard copies
also
 consume a
lot
Add the preposition
oflot
show examples
time
 for searching the
information
 which is needed.
This
 disadvantage sometimes
turn
Change the verb form
turns
show examples
 over to get a lot of loss.
For instance
, if there was a need to get
information
 about
solar
Add an article
the solar
show examples
 eclipse in the encyclopedia
firstly
 you have to search it in the book
then
 the
next
 step is to highlight the required points after
this
 bookmarking it to get the same points another
time
 if needed .
Thus
, it turns to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
wastage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
resources like
time
 and energy.
Secondly
, in
Correct your spelling
today's
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
era
Add a comma
,era
show examples
 people has an access to so many new
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
 which are so easy and consumes
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 resources with more and authentic
information
. The
othe
Correct your spelling
other
 reason to support
technolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
 is that the
knowledge
 specified in
such
 media is stated creatively and
thus
 it gets into a person's mind very easily and sticks for a long
time
.
For example
, the things
dectated
Correct your spelling
dictated
 or read takes a long
time
 to get learned but the same
knowledge
 gained from videos or
dvd's
Correct your spelling
DVD's
 get into head easily. To conclude, media is a better option for acquiring easy and fast
knowledge
 and the access for it is less resource consuming.
Submitted by nnr4204 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: