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Writing Samples /
Band 5

People nowadays spend their free time less actively than in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #time
Development of communications
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
people
 to spend their free
time
 on computer or mobile phone more than others
activities
,
in particular
 online and offline games, social media, and entertainment programs.
However
, there are many reasons lead to believe that
people
 nowadays spend their free
time
 more activity than in the past through co-space and widely expanding
an information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
 from a social network. To start off, co-spaces nowadays are constructed on available areas, parks, or in buildings, these are placed in both rural and city where
people
 easily visit and take part in many
activities
 there. The co-spaces provide
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of aged and type
activities
such
 as cooking, artificial hiking, VR gaming, drawing, event swimming. These can convince
people
 to do much more
activities
 than in the past.
Furthermore
, it is
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 era of communication.
People
 are able to access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many
activities
 from the whole world through
Correct article usage
the internets
show examples
internets
Fix the agreement mistake
internet
show examples
 and social
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
These
show examples
Theses
Correct your spelling
These
show examples
 make
people
 want to try to copy or do
somethings
Correct your spelling
something
show examples
 new as they have never seen
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their countries, but already seen
from
Correct pronoun usage
it from
show examples
Correct article usage
the internets
show examples
internets
Fix the agreement mistake
Internet
show examples
 and social
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
,
sketboard
Correct your spelling
skateboard
keyboard
 is
sport
Add an article
a sport
show examples
 that was
speaded
Correct your spelling
speeded
suspended
 from the west and it is popular nowadays as a free
time
 activity because famous
people
 recorded a video clip,
then
 post
on
Correct pronoun usage
it on
show examples
 social
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
. To sum up, I disagree that
people
 nowadays spent their free
time
Correct your spelling
timeless
show examples
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
activities
 than on the past because there are co-space in every
areas
Change to a singular noun
area
show examples
 that provide varieties of
activities
, and internet and social network convince
people
 to do more different
activities
.
Submitted by kobkaew41 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • streaming movies
  • browsing social media
  • playing video games
  • digital entertainment
  • active pursuits
  • resurgence of interest
  • fitness trends
  • outdoor adventures
  • group sports
  • perception of time
  • connectivity requirements
  • passive activities
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