IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Prison is the best punishment for criminals. How far do you agree or disagree with this statement. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In today's world evil rapidly growing all over the place. A number of
people
Use synonyms
 think that whoever committed the
crime
Use synonyms
 they have to be in lock-up.
while
Linking Words
 I
am
Verb problem
apply
show examples
completely
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
 that, criminals should be in a lockup.
Firstly
Linking Words
, one convincing argument can be made that if some culprits are free from
prison
Use synonyms
, they will be very harmful to the whole society.
In addition
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, the offender
also
Linking Words
 encourages other friends or their family members to commit a scandal. Let's take the Auckland University research team, as an example, they recently found that the young generation of the
Moari
Correct your spelling
Maori
 community committed crimes because of their parents which already visited the jail and are now free from it.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Sometimes
such
Linking Words
 kinds of
crime
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 be a shortcut for getting rich
and
Correct word choice
apply
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mostly youth so it is very important to make some hard
prison
Use synonyms
 rules so young
people
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 think twice before committing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
. Having said that, it is
also
Linking Words
 undeniable that, some prisoners learn some extra criminal activities from other prisoners in
prison
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, those kinds of gangsters are
also
Linking Words
 a threat and highly risky for other
people
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. The
best
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 relevant instance is some American prisons. where we could find all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 and they always
make
Verb problem
form
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gangs which harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other prisoners. Significantly, it is an important step to
divided
Wrong verb form
divide
show examples
 lawbreakers on
basis
Correct article usage
the basis
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 of their
crime
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.
Thus
Linking Words
,it can be concluded that, whoever committed a
crime
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
must
send
Wrong verb form
be sent
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 to
prison
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. It is very essential for other
people
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 to keep a safe from
such
Linking Words
 kind of
crime
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be strengthened by clearly stating your position on the issue. Consider rephrasing for clarity and impact.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that points are logically structured. Try to use linking words to enhance flow between ideas.
task achievement
In your examples, make sure they are relevant and well-explained. This will help in solidifying your arguments and improving the overall response.
task achievement
You clearly express your opinion that prison is essential for criminals. This is a strong position to take.
task achievement
Your inclusion of specific examples, like the Auckland University research, shows an effort to provide evidence for your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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