A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree?

All authorities are responsible for supporting their citizens to be safe. Some groups of
people
assert that officials must make more effort to procure the security of their
countries
,
while
other groups claim that providing social benefits should be prioritized by the governments.
However
, I believe that governments should be able to provide both
safety
and social interests. On the one hand, security and
safety
matters are one of the major issues that have made countless concerns all over the world. Habitats of a country will not be satisfied or calm unless they are provided with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
secure and safe
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
in their
countries
.
For instance
,
dearth
Correct article usage
the dearth
show examples
of
safety
in
countries
like Afghanistan, Syria, and Pakistan not only has brought life dissatisfaction for these
countries
' dwellers but
also
made
people
in
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
countries
worried about their own
countries
' conditions.
On the other hand
, governments have various and multiple responsibilities regarding
people
's requirements.
Although
security is a vital part of each country's policy, it is not the one and only aspect of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society that must be considered. It is essential that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
all needs of a nation, including financial, economic, social, and political ones, are met
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
can cause the residents of that area to become more satisfied and jubilant.
For example
, a country like North Korea has
conflict
Add an article
a conflict
show examples
with almost all
countries
over the world in order to keep its territory safe.
This
safety
is just for its terrain and has not been able to bring its
people
freedom, delightfulness, satisfaction,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. In conclusion, I believe that a qualified government considers both
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
show examples
and social benefits of its citizens, and tries to make a balance between providing both of them.
Submitted by mojgan.sobhani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to explicitly state your opinion in the introduction, ensuring the reader knows where you stand from the very beginning. This helps in establishing a clear stance which you can then develop throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has logical structure and a clear introduction and conclusion, improve cohesion by using a variety of linking words and phrases. This can help in smoothly connecting ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, insist on providing more specific examples to support your arguments. This could involve citing statistics, real-life occurrences, or hypothetical situations that are directly related to the topic at hand.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • national security
  • sovereignty
  • foreign entities
  • military sector
  • economic growth
  • inequality
  • vulnerable populations
  • elderly
  • disabled
  • unemployed
  • social stability
  • public health
  • balanced approach
  • appropriate funding
  • nation’s needs
  • priorities
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!