IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Scientists tell us that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people still continue doing unhealthy activities. What are the causes and what are the solutions for this?

One of the greatest
asset
Fix the agreement mistake
assets
show examples
one
Change to a plural noun
ones
show examples
 can have is good health. Some activities are beneficial and the rest are not, which is being actively advocated by the scientists.
Still
Add a comma
,Still
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 ignore
this
Linking Words
 fact and continue doing activities that
deteriorates
Change the verb form
deteriorate
show examples
 their health.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the causes and possible solutions for
such
Linking Words
 an attitude.
Firstly
Linking Words
, albeit advances in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical facilities, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
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 of reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 are suffering from various diseases. One of the major causes of
this
Linking Words
 is the negligence of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle.
Moreover
Linking Words
, lack of motivation and awareness
also
Linking Words
 contributes
towards
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 not understanding the difference between healthy and unhealthy choices. Addiction to
life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
show examples
 substances is
also
Linking Words
 responsible for
such
Linking Words
 behaviour as
people
Use synonyms
 feel helpless and tempted to get into
such
Linking Words
 activities. For an instance,
people
Use synonyms
 addicted to smoking may argue that if they stop smoking
then
Linking Words
 it could affect their performance and mood. Despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
all
this
Linking Words
, there are certain solutions that can be adopted in order to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Media
Correct article usage
The media
show examples
 needs to cover the complications of not having a healthy lifestyle on a large scale. Strict action needs to be taken against the media houses and advertisements promoting
culture
Add an article
a culture
show examples
 which leads to physical and mental disgrace. Steps
taken
Add the auxiliary verb
were taken
show examples
 by the local administration
such
Linking Words
 as
establishment
Add an article
the establishment
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 of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 sports complex to promote exercise, campaigns to educate
people
Use synonyms
 about the horrendous effects of
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle and consumption of certain things, can widely impact
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bringing positive changes. In a nutshell, by being considerate and aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 one’s actions,
people
Use synonyms
 can change their perception towards their life choices and improve their overall well-being.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • addiction
  • chemical reactions
  • dependency
  • social and cultural norms
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • temptations
  • implementing policies
  • taxing
  • supportive environment
  • accountability
  • unhealthy habits
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