IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In the recent years, there has been an increase in the number of people got killed on the road. Traffic designers blame drivers for driving too fast and drivers say the roads are bad. Who is to be blamed for the accidents deaths caused on roads?

#years #people #road #traffic #designers #drivers #roads #accidents #deaths
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the role of technological advancements
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been increasing in
teaching
Correct article usage
the teaching
show examples
 and learning process. While plenty of benefits are observed, it has some drawbacks too. As far as I
concerned
Add a missing verb
am concerned
show examples
,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of
implement
Add an article
the implement
an implement
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technological improvements to
education
 surpass
Correct article usage
the
show examples
disadvantages. On the one hand, it appears to
some
Add a missing verb
be some
show examples
 drawbacks.
First
 of all, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
users
Add an article
the users
show examples
 suffer from distracting attention especially young learners. They have a tendency of playing outside games, getting touch with their friends, talking with them.
However
, sitting back
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
screen
Add an article
the screen
show examples
 is
challengeable
Replace the word
challenging
show examples
 for them and
this
 process
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 of their
passions
Fix the agreement mistake
passion
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 learning and asking questions as well as curiosity about life.
Secondly
, some schoolchildren can not afford to get new technological devices. In
this
 way, they can get away from
education
. Despite
Correct article usage
the
show examples
above-mentioned downsides, the upsides of using technology in
learning
Correct article usage
the learning
show examples
 and teaching process are far greater. Above all, schoolboyboys and girls can get access easily to high-quality
education
 , as well as comprehensive materials.
Thus
, students can join foreign lecturers’ classes from miles away. They can utilise well-organised resources properly.
Moreover
, the applied change in
education
 allows teachers to get rid of old teaching methods and to improve new ones according to the requirements of the 21st century. In conclusion,
although
 some problems might be related to lack of attention and affordability of devices, I think that advantages of it are more than disadvantages.
Submitted by pirelif on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: