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Band 4

Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that this is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Do you agree?

#people #women #parents #men #role #children #societies
Parents
 always look after their children and
trying
Wrong verb form
try
show examples
 to make good citizens sacrificing many more things on
behalf
Correct pronoun usage
their behalf
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
While
 some
are arguing
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that mothers are better at caring for their toddlers than fathers, others believe that
both
parents
 are good at it. I completely disagree with those who think only the ladies are the best and in
this
 essay, I will clarify why I agree with the latter part of society. On the one hand,
according to
 some people, the
mother
 is the only one who is able to stand her child despite the
father
. But to the best of my knowledge, nations in any country always try their best to keep their children in a place which
did
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not affordable to them. It does not depend only on the
mother
 or only on the
father
.
For example
, when a
mother
died
Wrong verb form
dies
show examples
 at the birth of a child, the
father
 looks after the child throughout the lifespan like an eye
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 him. So, it is so unfair if anybody
tells
Verb problem
says
show examples
 that only a
mother
 could be able to
arise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 her kid despite a
father
.
On the other hand
, some people argue that
both
 men and women are responsible equally for the success or defeat of a youngster.
That is
 totally true.
For example
, if one student is going to have the best
student's
Change noun form
student
show examples
 reward
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the school,
both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
 are obviously rewarded
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unless there is the endless support of
mother
 and
father
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can be never achieved.
To conclude
, it is argued that to make a decent society with obedient counterparts, it is essential to have the accomplishment of
both
parents
, not only
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
mothers.
Submitted by sandhb89 on

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task response
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion to frame the discussion and address all parts of the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Improve logical structure to enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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