IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people argu that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentantion be justified?

#people #argu #experimentation #animals #discoveries #experiments #experimentantion
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There have been discussions about the use of
animals
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 for testing purposes in order to achieve scientific discoveries. Some people are against the use of
animals
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 to conduct
such
Linking Words
test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests
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 and
experiments
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. To defend
this
Linking Words
 position it is being argued that
this
Linking Words
 practice is cruel to
animals
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, which are not capable of agreeing or disagreeing in becoming a subject of a study which could lead to adverse effects. In fact,
such
Linking Words
experiments
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 could make
animals
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 suffer and even have them killed.
In other words
Linking Words
,
animals
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 cannot think and act
as
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like
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humans
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, and
therefore
Linking Words
, their participation in
such
Linking Words
 trials is not a matter of choice.
For example
Linking Words
, a mouse
that is
Linking Words
 kept in a laboratory could be used for many
experiments
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 and could not defend itself nor oppose
to
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apply
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that.
In contrast
Linking Words
, another group is in favour of
this
Linking Words
 practice as it
drive
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drives
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 us to important discoveries and helps us to increase our knowledge. By
first
Linking Words
 experimenting on
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animals
Add a comma
,animals
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 we avoid using
humans
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 as guinea pigs in an early stage of a trial. That means that we can have
researches
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researched
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 in
Add an article
a
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more controlled environment, as
animals
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 are lock up, avoid mass contamination and
also
Linking Words
, we protect
humans
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, as we only become subjects of
experiments
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 that were successful in
animals
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 trials. It is my opinion that the benefits of using
animals
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 in experimentations surpass the downside
of
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apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, as we are protecting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humans
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Although
Linking Words
 I do not foresee any alternative to the use of
animals
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, it is possible to regulate how and when
experiments
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 can be conducted in order to avoid unnecessary suffering.
Submitted by tcchaves on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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