IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that cultural traditions will be lost if they are used as money-making attractions for tourists. Others believe this is the only way to preserve these traditions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people believe that if cultural practices are used as tourist attractions in order to gain revenue, they will gradually disappear,
whereas
Linking Words
 others argue that
this
Linking Words
 action is the best method to enhance the longevity of the
traditions
Use synonyms
. Personally, I agree that charging for local attractions can be an effective way to maintain
traditions
Use synonyms
, but it is not the only way. On the one hand, Using cultural practices as a means of income will lead to their disappearance because they can reduce the preciousness of the culture. The value of the culture will be lost in the mix if the local people only look at it as an investment rather than studying it to enrich their knowledge.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the tourists may perceive these practices
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
as ordinary, which undermines their historical context.
For example
Linking Words
, the heavy promotion of Candi Borobudur as a travel destination has led many to forget that it is still a sacred site.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 could contribute to the erosion of the tradition.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Charging for cultural
traditions
Use synonyms
 can help maintain them by providing necessary funding.
For example
Linking Words
, Wayang, a Sundanese heritage, requires regular equipment replacement, leading practitioners to charge for performances.
However
Linking Words
, I believe government financial assistance is a better solution. By allocating part of their budget for equipment and facility upgrades, governments can preserve cultural
traditions
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 attracting tourists and boosting the economy. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
traditions
Use synonyms
 may be exploited for profit, financial resources can help preserve them. Some
traditions
Use synonyms
 need funding for maintenance, but better alternatives exist
such
Linking Words
 as the government could support these efforts with financial assistance.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Some areas of the essay could be developed more fully to provide comprehensive coverage of both views. For instance, the discussion on how cultural practices may lose value over time lacks depth. Consider exploring more specific examples or situations in which this might happen.
coherence cohesion
Though the main points are supported, you could enhance the connectivity between ideas. Make sure the transitions between paragraphs and within sections are clearer, perhaps by using more transitional phrases or words.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion. It presents both sides of the argument clearly, which aligns well with the task requirements.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples that enrich the content and make the arguments more convincing, especially the inclusion of a specific example like Wayang and Candi Borobudur.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Dilution of cultural traditions
  • Authenticity
  • Cultural heritage
  • Revenue
  • Financial support
  • Preservation
  • Promotion
  • Commodification of culture
  • Intrinsic value
  • Exposure
  • Global awareness
  • Respect and understanding
  • Economic gain
  • Local communities
  • Decision-making processes
  • Respectful portrayal
What to do next:
Look at other essays: