IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show that we care about them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to
show
Use synonyms
 their
love
Use synonyms
. To be honest, our traditions transparent the same point of view.
For example
Linking Words
, we have various
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of different staff for Christmas, New Year, St. Valentine's Day, Easter, International
Women
Change noun form
Women's
show examples
 Day and so on. Indeed,
people
Use synonyms
 do not need all
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 things, but social media and marketing encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to buy more and more. I believe, that two pairs of shoes for one season are quite enough, but I have more
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 10 pairs. New collections with small changes appear each season or even in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
midseason as well. As we know, there are five languages of
love
Use synonyms
. One of them is presents. For some
people
Use synonyms
, it is very important to receive gifts and presents. But not for all.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my point of view, it is better to ask or try to figure out how you can
show
Use synonyms
 your
love
Use synonyms
 and
care
Use synonyms
 to
particular
Add an article
a particular
show examples
 person.
For example
Linking Words
, I would be grateful to receive
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 ticket to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 concert, theatre or exhibition
,
Correct word choice
and, certificate
show examples
certificate
Correct article usage
a certificate
show examples
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the bookstore or cosmetologist. I am on my way to minimalism, so it's really annoying to receive some random things which I don't need.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the best way to
show
Use synonyms
 your
care
Use synonyms
 is communication. When you really
care
Use synonyms
 about the person you will do your best to find out what is her or his language of
love
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
knowledge
Add a comma
knowledge,
show examples
 you will be able to decide how to
show
Use synonyms
 your feelings. In any case, even
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 present is better
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 nothing, because it shows that you
care
Use synonyms
 about somebody.

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task achievement
Consider clarifying your main argument in the introduction to strengthen task response.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between ideas to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Use more varied and specific examples to support your points, which will improve task achievement.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view and expresses personal opinion well.
task achievement
There are interesting examples that illustrate personal preferences and ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Tangible symbols
  • Affection
  • Materialism
  • Cultural traditions
  • Impact
  • Relationships
  • Quality time
  • Acts of service
  • Communication
  • Shared experiences
  • Equating
  • Emotional presence
  • Physical presence
  • Material possessions
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