IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show that we care about them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it's important to give
gifts
Use synonyms
 and presents to
friends
Use synonyms
 and family to show
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them our
care
Use synonyms
.
Other
Fix the agreement mistake
Others
show examples
 think that there better
ways
Use synonyms
 to show that we
are
Change the verb form
care
show examples
care
Use synonyms
them
Change preposition
for them
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and I will explain my personal opinion. On the one hand,
friends
Use synonyms
 and family are
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 important
people
Use synonyms
 for us. The main approach to showing our
care
Use synonyms
 to them
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 presents and
gifts
Use synonyms
.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
show examples
 it's simply staff, but emotions which
feels
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
 your wife, when she
taked
Correct your spelling
takes
a flowers
Correct the article-noun agreement
flowers
a flower
show examples
 from you
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their birthday, it's stayed
remember
Wrong verb form
remembered
show examples
fo
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
along
Correct your spelling
long
show examples
 time.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
exisits
Correct your spelling
exhibits
 a lot of traditions, to present some special
gifts
Use synonyms
 for
famalies
Correct your spelling
families
 and
friends
Use synonyms
.
For Example
Linking Words
, on Christmas, Easter or St.
Valentine
Change noun form
Valentine's
show examples
day
Capitalize word
Day
show examples
. In some Latin America,
exists
Correct pronoun usage
there exists
show examples
 a tradition,
when
Correct word choice
that when
show examples
 you
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 to the new house built by the head of
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
, you must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
present
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh bread and some hat for every man in
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
how
Add a missing verb
is how
show examples
 you can show your respect and
care
Use synonyms
 about
this
Linking Words
 family.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 gift it's not always usual to
perfofm
Correct your spelling
perform
, I think we should bear in mind that
this
Linking Words
 process
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a vital role on our relationships with our
famaly
Correct your spelling
family
 and
friends
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are other
ways
Use synonyms
 to take
care
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
famaly
Correct your spelling
family
. Sometimes it means
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 parents with their work
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 other
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 can buy a new car for a father or
travel
Correct article usage
a travel
show examples
 ticket for a mother.
It's depends
Change the verb form
It depends
show examples
 more
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 money and status but today, more and more
people
Use synonyms
ignoring
Wrong verb form
ignore
show examples
 traditional examples of
care
Use synonyms
 and prefer to choose something specific. As an example, buy a ticket for their mother
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 some cruise or space travel. In my opinion, all the
ways
Use synonyms
 to take
care
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 family are important.
On
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the end of the day, I believe that traditional
ways
Use synonyms
 to take
care
Use synonyms
, like
Change preposition
of, like
show examples
 presents and
gifts
Use synonyms
 never lost. Their
presents
Fix the agreement mistake
present
show examples
 remembered emotions
fo
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 all life. But I
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 we need to take a balance in
approach
Correct pronoun usage
our approach
show examples
 to
care
Use synonyms
 and sometimes change our methods.

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grammar
Make sure that your sentences are clear and have correct grammar. For example, the phrase 'show for them our care' should be 'show them we care'.
coherence
Try to use more linking words to connect your ideas. Words like 'however', 'moreover', and 'for instance' can help to bring clarity.
task achievement
Include more examples and details to support your points. This will help to explain your ideas better.
grammar
Keep checking the spelling of words. For instance, 'Exisits' should be 'exists' and 'famaly' should be 'family'.
coherence
Organize your paragraphs clearly. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that shows what the paragraph is about.
content
Your essay discusses both views clearly, which is important for this type of question.
content
You provided some cultural examples, which helps make your argument more interesting.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Tangible symbols
  • Affection
  • Materialism
  • Cultural traditions
  • Impact
  • Relationships
  • Quality time
  • Acts of service
  • Communication
  • Shared experiences
  • Equating
  • Emotional presence
  • Physical presence
  • Material possessions
What to do next:
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