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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many products that we buy are made in other countries. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

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In
globalised
Correct article usage
the globalised
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 world, there are numerous
products
Use synonyms
such
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 as Washing machines,
Smart phones
Correct your spelling
Smartphones
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, LCD’s that we are purchasing in
daily
Correct pronoun usage
our daily
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 routine,
are
Correct pronoun usage
which are
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 produced by other nations.
This
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 trend can affect both the unemployment and profitability of our nation. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both the pros and cons associated with
this
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 trend.
To begin
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 with,
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first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 and most important advantage
is provides
Change the verb form
is provided
is providing
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 happiness to the individual life. If the persons used imported
goods
Use synonyms
 it helps to raise the standard of living. There are
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 of the devices which give quality in
products
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, we want to buy electronic
products
Use synonyms
 of Japan, because we all know Japan quality of
goods
Use synonyms
 is much higher than other countries, the reason behind is that
this
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country
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 has more expertness in technology.
Moreover
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, imported
goods
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helps
Change the verb form
help
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 to build good industrial relation with
other
Change the wording
another country
other countries
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country
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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, trade among different nations helps to bring harmony among them
On the other hand
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,
besides
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 the upsides of
this
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 trajectory, the drawback cannot be undermined.
Firstly
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, the national income of our
country
Use synonyms
 is reducing because people mostly spend
Use synonyms
products
Change preposition
on products
show examples
 which are made by other countries.
Secondly
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, foreign
products
Use synonyms
 are very expensive which everyone cannot be affordable.
In addition
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, it
also
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cause
Change the verb form
causes
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 the rise in
unemployment
Add an article
the unemployment
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 rate in our nation, for the sake of
large
Change the article
a large
the large
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 number of small
businesses
Add the comma(s)
,businesses
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 shut the door due to
non selling
Add a hyphen
non-selling
show examples
 of
goods
Use synonyms
.
Although
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, it may be the result of
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
 job opportunities in our
country
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. To conclude, foreign
goods
Use synonyms
 are essential which give many benefits to human beings but it
also
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result
Change the verb form
results
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 of many problems like high prices,
decrease
Change the verb form
decreases
show examples
 job vacancies etc. So, we should not all depend upon these
products
Use synonyms
 and
also
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 buy
products
Use synonyms
 which are produced in our nation.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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