IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that they can make as much noise as they want, while others think that the amount of noise people make should be strictly controlled.  ​   Discuss both views and include your own opinion and examples.

#people #noise #amount
It is considered by some
people
 that making
noise
 is normal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, whereas
others
 hold the view that the social attitude should be controlled. While
society
 should take
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
account all
people
’s
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 and
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
, I believe that bothering and annoying
others
 is unacceptable in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crowded places. On one hand,
society
 is the place where
people
 can do whatever they want.
People
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public places should not worry about
others
’ opinions or views about the things that they prefer. Because in
society
, there are no interdictions about the
noise
 that
people
 make. And
also
, it is the right of every individual to do
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 activity that has importance for them.
For example
,
people
, especially youngsters sing across the street which makes the elders to be bothered or annoyed because of their song genre.
That is
 why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they do not let them sing near their houses and apartments. In fact, singing in front of
people
 is the choice that teenagers want to do in public places to make
others
 enjoy
too
Correct pronoun usage
it too
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
although
society
 is a public area, distracting
others
 and making them annoyed is not considerable.
For instance
, there are a lot of
people
 who speak loud with someone by telephone when they are
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
a public transport
Remove the article
public transport
a means of public transport
a mode of public transport
show examples
. It exasperates
others
 making them feel
uncomfortableness
Replace the word
uncomfortable
show examples
.
In addition
, recently my aunt was irritated by
car
Correct article usage
the car
show examples
 washing organization which is located
next
 to her house. The
noise
 that they make in the middle of the night do not let her baby
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
sleep enough as the sound of water, loudly speaking
people
 and cars’ signals interrupt sleep.
However
, despite the fact that my aunt
contact
Change the verb form
contacts
show examples
 the government and the car washing place, there is no solution as the organization has had permission to work whenever they want. All things considered,
although
society
 is the place for every person, who can do whatever they want, the
noise
 pollution that makes
people
 feel discomfort should be managed.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: