IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that cell phones should be for personal use only; others, ​ however, feel cell phones should be used mostly for work.​ Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is considered by some
people
Use synonyms
 that
telephones
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 should be used for only personal purposes, whereas others hold the view that in most cases
phones
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 should be for working processes. While cell
phones
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 should be private as it is the information storage for all
people
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, I strongly believe that using
telephones
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 only for
work
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 reduces its drawbacks.
To begin
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 with,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of
people
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 use
phones
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 for personal goals
such
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 as keeping in contact with others, saving photos as a memory and as
an
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apply
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information storage. Using
telephones
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 at
work
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 can make
people
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distractive
Replace the word
distracted
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 in real working
time
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, as these gadgets can divert their thoughts.
For example
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,
usually
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,usually
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people
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doesn’t
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don’t
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 feel the sense of
time
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 while they take their
telephones
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.
Thus
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, it decreases
the
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apply
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productivity and obviously, damages the company.
In addition
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, it kills
time
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 management of employees which can cause some conflicts and challenges
in
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incorporation
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corporation
Add an article
a corporation
the corporation
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. So,
telephones
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 mostly should not be used in working
time
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.
On the other hand
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, as it is known for everyone
telephones
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 have some disadvantages which can destroy the health of users.
People
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 spend their
time
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 using it for personal purposes as watching films, searching
information
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for information
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 and obviously,
for
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apply
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chatting with others. These non-beneficial activities can cause health hazards
such
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 as headaches, impaired immune system, memory loss and eye problems.
For instance
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, spending more than 2 hours using
phones
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 for personal activities
cam
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can
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reduce
Change the verb form
reduces
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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eye vision as gadgets. Eventually, despite the fact
people
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 can be used for only personal purposes,
however
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, it can have advantages for other sectors of life like
work
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, economy and technology progress of the country. All things considered, after analyzing both opinions, it is clear that using phone gadgets with a limited
time
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 for personal and
work
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 activities is essential as it reduces
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 drawbacks
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.

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