Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to friends, family, and businesses. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?
Today, many
people
use the internet and smartphones to transfer money
to friends, family, and businesses.
Do you think it is a negative or positive development?
In this
modern era, for transferring money
to acquaintances, family and colleagues many people
utilize the internet and smart devices. In my opinion, it is beneficial and I will explain it in this
essay.
To begin
with, banking applications give the efficiency that society needs. The applications can be accessed anywhere and everywhere needed. For example
, while
parents want to give their children who pursue their studies abroad, they can easily send the finances by using their devices and the money
is received in real-time at the moment. Furthermore
, there are no limits for transferring money
in a day contrary to conventional bank practice, especially since some online financial services offer free transfers.
Nevertheless
, a major drawback of internet usage for delivering funds in this
recent era is perhaps fraud and scams. There are many people
who have been scammed because of their lack of knowledge about personal data protection. For instance
, the scam that formed in link distribution through WhatsApp, if we clicked the link, the scammer can easily access mobile banking or an e-wallet which is connected to our mobile phone. Therefore
, not only financial but also
data and protection literacy that modern people
should know so that individuals can be safe.
Ultimately, the public should be aware of the bad impacts that might happen from mobile finance services. However
, transferring money
online in this
era is profoundly helpful for humans.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task achievement
The essay should address not only the benefits and drawbacks of using the internet and smartphones for money transfers but also present a balanced viewpoint before drawing a conclusion. Consider expanding your discussion on both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Transition between paragraphs can be smoother. Use linking words and phrases to ensure your essay flows more naturally from one main point to the next. For instance, use phrases like 'On the one hand,' and 'On the other hand,' to clearly differentiate between positive and negative points.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by briefly summarizing both the advantages and disadvantages discussed in the body of the essay before stating your final opinion.
task achievement
The essay presents a relevant and timely topic, providing a clear stance on the benefits of using internet and smartphones for money transfers.
task achievement
Examples provided, like transferring money to children studying abroad, are specific and help illustrate the points made.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, is clear and well-organized.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.