IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #crimes #parents
It is argued by some people that
children
 should be responsible for their offences.
However
, others believe that the
parents
 of these
children
 should be punished. I tend to be in favour of the latter opinion and in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will explore both views and explain my point of view. It is obvious that everybody should be accountable for their own
behaviour
 and should be penalized in case of their wrongdoing.
However
, we could be in a dilemma when
crimes
 are
made
Verb problem
committed
show examples
 by
children
. On the one hand, if
children
 commit
crimes
 they should be punished because it is likely to prevent them from the next offences.
On the contrary
, if
children
 avoid penalties, they would not be able to realize the full
severeness
Replace the word
severity
show examples
 of
this
 issue and its consequences. Undoubtedly, the main purpose of punishment is to demonstrate that you will be punished in case of your perpetration.
While
 exemption from punishment would lead to
children
 repeating
crimes
.
On the other hand
,
children
 are not adults, and perhaps they do not understand the full seriousness of wrong
behaviour
. I'm sure that
parents
 are completely responsible for their
children
 in terms of their upbringing
as well as
 their
behaviour
.
For example
, when a child steals a cellphone from his classmate, it is likely the
parents
 of
this
 child failed to explain to them that theft is
extremelly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 wrong
behaviour
 and
this
 would lead them to prison.
Moreover
, when
parents
 get out of touch with their
children
, or even worse, set an example of wrong
behaviour
,
it is clear that
 they should
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
carry full responsibility for themselves and for their
children
. In conclusion,
while
children
 should realize all repercussions of their offences,
nonetheless
, the ultimate responsibility for kids' wrongdoing lies with their
parents
,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
 were not able to teach their
children
 the right
behaviour
 and to prevent
crimes
 committed by them.
Submitted by alkirina on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to present a clear and coherent argument in each paragraph, linking the main points to the overall argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your response addresses all aspects of the task and provides a clear position on the topic.
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