IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It has become more easier and more affordable for people to travel to other countries.  Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples from your experience.

#people #travel #countries #development
International
tourism
 has become the backbone of any
country
. As the world progresses, the opportunity for people to travel across the
country
 increases. I think
this
 trend has both pros and cons. The following paragraph will support my point. On the positive side,
firstly
, international
tourism
 plays a colossal part in the enhancement of a
country
's economy. As the number of travellers increases, the revenue becomes directly proportional.
For example
, in a developing
country
 like India, many people get employment and at the same time,their livelihood depends on the flow of overseas travellers.
Secondly
,
this
 helps the visitors to understand the culture and customs of the host
country
.
On the other hand
, the fact that makes the world a beautiful place to live in, diversity, decreases.
Althoughthe
Correct your spelling
Although the
 world is called a global village nowadays, the individual difference in everything is what makes life more enjoyable.
For instance
, over the past two decades, India has adopted a lot of Western cultures
such
 as a celebration of Halloween,
valentine's
Capitalize word
Valentine's
show examples
day
Capitalize word
Day
show examples
 etcetera and
forget
Wrong verb form
forgot
show examples
 to celebrate the traditional festivals.
Furthermore
, the making of agriculture leads to the decline of traditional values.
In addition
 to that, an increased flow of visitors will reduce the resources of the host nation. In my opinion, it is a positive
as well as
 a negative development.The onus is on the government to protect one's own values and at the same time,
promoting
Wrong verb form
promote
show examples
tourism
 to boost the economy. To summarise, I reiterate that
tourism
 is an important aspect of economic development. Even though it has both advantages and disadvantages.
Submitted by roshnasav24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt with a balanced discussion of the positive and negative aspects of international tourism. However, the position is not clearly stated in the introduction, and the conclusion does not clearly summarize the author's opinion. Ensure to clearly present the author's opinion and provide a concise summary at the end.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a logical structure with relevant topic sentences for each paragraph. However, there are some instances of unclear or incomplete ideas, and the flow of ideas could be improved for better coherence. Aim for a smoother transition between ideas and ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: