IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, it creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Tourism
Use synonyms
 is vital for the development and success of the
economy
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 all over the World. currently, worldwide
tourism
Use synonyms
 is
one
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 of the largest businesses in the world,
however
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, it
arises
Correct your spelling
raises
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 uncertainty among the individuals
instead
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 of them knowing. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the argument that different
cultural
Replace the word
cultures
show examples
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
 rise to uncertainty among each other. Nowadays,
Tourism
Use synonyms
 has entered the race of the industry that not only helps people to know the variety of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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 all over the world but
also
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 supports each other in different ways.
Likewise
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,
one
Use synonyms
 can find a job in
this
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 field in many sectors like agriculture,
tourism
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 sector, health department and many more. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tourists select their destination in the shopping malls, stores and restaurants that not only
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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profit but
also
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makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 them famous among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other travellers.
For instance
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, Hyderabad is
one
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 of the popular places in India where foreigners from different countries visit to survey the ancient monuments and the famous food in the region and
used
Verb problem
apply
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to buy historical jewellery.
Moreover
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, they advise others to visit the country
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads to an increase in the
economy
Use synonyms
 of the nation
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is necessary for the developing nation.
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Although
Correct word choice
However
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 the government has to support
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society by funding them and by making
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society e pleasant and attractive.
on the other hand
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, it is in our
culture
Use synonyms
 that
one
Use synonyms
 has to respect other guests by making them comfortable but
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 are many other citizens that
make
Verb problem
put
show examples
 our region in danger either through their actions or by their words or vice versa
due to
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 the
culture
Use synonyms
,
language
Correct word choice
and language
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.
For example
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, there is the news in the newspaper that
one
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 of the foreigners has entered the temple premises
along with
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 a bottle of wine.
In addition
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 to
this
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, an American has entered the Sikh gurudwara without removing the shoes.
Furthermore
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, local people used to pass cheap and vulgar comments to the travellers and
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 are some others
how
Correct word choice
who
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 only used to make them
fool
Verb problem
apply
show examples
by selling them poor quality or ordinary things
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
so it's better to survey the nation before travelling to another country
one
Use synonyms
 has to fully satisfied with the
culture
Use synonyms
 and other basic things which do not cause tension or rift among each other.
To sum up
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,
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
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 should withhold an organisation
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
look
Correct subject-verb agreement
looks
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 after or guides the travellers as it aids
to benefit
Change preposition
in benefiting
show examples
 the
economy
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 of the country. I conclude that it's the duty of the citizens that
one
Use synonyms
 should not create tension among each other because it only
affected
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
 the
economy
Use synonyms
 but
also
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cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 disrespect and difficulty among the others.

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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt but lacks a clear stance on the issue, leading to an incomplete response. The arguments provided are not fully developed and fail to present a well-rounded view of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence & Cohesion: The essay has an overall logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion could be more explicit. The use of examples and transitions is somewhat effective but needs improvement for clearer and smoother connections between ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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