IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

To achieve personal happiness, the relationships we have with other people (friends, colleagues, family) are more essential than every other thing. Issues like wealth and occupations take the second place. Write to support this claim.

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The growing pressures of the money-driven world we live in widely cause the gravitation towards material items.
However
Linking Words
, personal happiness is not achieved through things like work,
wealth
Use synonyms
, and success. Though these things may be attractive and coveted, it does not refute the fact that relationships with friends, colleagues, and family members are the genuine secrets to living happily.
This
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 will be proven by bringing up the topic of wealthy superstars who steadily live lonely lives and the advice from elderly
people
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 based on experience. The wealthy superstars who acclaim a high degree of social popularity and
wealth
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 tend to spend a very lonely life.
For example
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, many pop singers in the United States who became famous and wealthy at a very young age distanced themselves from the rest of the world and had no near and dear ones to speak when needed. Despite being supremely wealthy many ended up being depressed and were not able to live a happy life.
Hence
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, any amount of
wealth
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 can not substitute for good friends and family.
Also
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 if you talk to the elderly
people
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 who have achieved tremendously in their respective careers will still attest to the fact that all
this
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wealth
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, the property will remain here only. All that will count afterwards is the relationships they enjoyed the warmth with which
people
Use synonyms
 will remember them.
For example
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,many
people
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 when they retire talk about their friendships with other colleagues and how they developed their careers together. Rarely anyone talks about how many billions in revenue did the company earn during his tenure.
This
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further
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 proves the fact that genuine satisfaction is much more than
wealth
Use synonyms
 accumulated. As explained above, genuine happiness can never be bought by
wealth
Use synonyms
 and everyone gets to realise
this
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 when they become old. It is true that relationships with friends, colleagues and family members create happiness.
Therefore
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, the greater the love you give, the greater you receive.

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The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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