IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere.

#people #government #money #arts
The belief of individuals in society that the authority of the country is Unnecessarily allocating the budgets towards fine arts as
this
 amount could be allocated somewhere else. I hold to
this
 opinion because the funds could be utilized for
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
 of education and
health
 care
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
.
Firstly
, teaching plays
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important role in society and should be prioritized over arts and culture. The amount could be diverted towards constructing new schools and training institutes which would increase the countries literacy rate and the country having more
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 labour which would help the economy to rise.
Secondly
, as
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 of the people is the most important factor in any society, investment should be made toward
health
 infrastructure
for example
 in villages
were
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
 good
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 and doctors are not available.
Moreover
, the needy people could be given free of charge services
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
like the developed countries where the
health
 care program is sponsored by the ministry of the country. To summarize, I completely agree that the issues relating to education and
health
 care
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
 should be given a premium focus over arts and culture.
Submitted by apurva9999d on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
What to do next:
Look at other essays: