IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think children should have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #children #freedom #mistakes #adults
A vast majority of people are convinced that
children
 should make their own
mistakes
, where others tend to believe that family could prevent
children
 from their
mistakes
.
This
 essay agrees with
such
 a viewpoint, and it will
firstly
 discuss
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
show examples
 why
children
 do some
mistakes
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood.
Secondly
, the fact that parents could help avoid some
mistakes
 of adolescents will be discussed. Minor
mistakes
 during the process of learning and growth help
children
 to make a progress. During parenting and schooling, it takes time to comprehend before their
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
accumulates
Change the verb form
accumulate
show examples
 and before it would be possible to
putting
Change the form of the verb
put
show examples
 learnt into practice. For
this
 reason,
this
 presence promotes new opportunities for studying and broaden horizons.
For instance
, some researchers are convinced that toddlers should learn by themselves by virtue of developing their knowledge how
tackle
Add the particle
to tackle
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
certain
mistakes
. The more chances to comprehend with
faults
, the more confident and practical skills they will have.
However
, proponents of reduced freedom for
children
 tend to believe that they could prevent some
faults
 of
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
. Whereas
faults
 are still
some
Correct determiner usage
an
show examples
 important part of growth,
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 should be allowed to grow up without responsibilities so strict.
For instance
, a child who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 never make a mistake will be frustrated in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult life when will face with
definite
Correct article usage
a definite
show examples
 issue. Individuals can prevent some serious and dangerous activities which could lead to
unpredictable
Add an article
an unpredictable
the unpredictable
show examples
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
show examples
,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 they should allow
children
 to make their own
mistakes
. To conclude,
this
 essay supports the claim that
faults
 are an important part of
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 and development of adolescents, whereas they should not be
on
Change preposition
under
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict control.
However
, adults could help to avoid some crucial
mistakes
 with serious consequences for the following life.
Submitted by alexia.13 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: