Some people believe that cell phones should be for personal use only; others, however, feel cell phones should be used mostly for work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #cell #phones #work

Technologies became a substantial part of humanity in past decades. While the

first

half of the population deem that

phones

should be used just for private reasons, the other half argues that cell

phones

should be mainly needed in work. From my perspective, using

this

gadget for personal purposes can influence citizens in a negative way.

This

essay will analyse both views.

To begin

with, technologies assist residents to keep the contact between them. Nowadays, it is noticeable that many messenger applications

such

as “WhatsApp, Instagram” were created and are used by billions of people every

second

. You can chat, call, video call, send audio messages, photos, videos and etc. It provides a wide range of opportunities that ease people’s lives.

In addition

this

type of technology can be an excellent option when spending

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

enjoyable leisure time or relieving

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

stress.

On the contrary

, cell

phones

integrated

Change the preposition

into

with

show examples

humans’ lifestyle too much that people just started to refuse

interacting

Change the verb form

to interact

show examples

with real

Correct your spelling

human beings

show examples

human-beings

Correct your spelling

human beings

show examples

For instance

, visitors of subways

are heads

Change the verb form

are headed

are heading

show examples

down towards their

phones

almost all the time.

Consequently

, it can cause not only physical problems

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

mental issues will take over as well.

Instead

, if people consume

this

gadget solely for work, where, apparently, it is really handy and beneficial, there will be a more pleasant outcome. All things considered, even though cell

phones

are useful for negotiation and to destress in certain situations, utilizing too much of

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

can cause severe results related to health. In the future, there will probably be lessened use of mobile

phones

due to raising awareness about the effects of it.

Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on Sat Sep 18 2021

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

269 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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