IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that cell phones should be for personal use only; others, however, feel cell phones should be used mostly for work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #cell #phones #work
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Some people argue that
smartphones
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 should be used only for personal
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
, while others say that they in most cases
uses
Change the verb form
use
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 for
work
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. In my opinion, cell
phone
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phones
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 mostly should be for personal
use
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 and sometimes for
work
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. On the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern telephones have
the
Correct article usage
a
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 wide range of functions that helps in using them. Lack of them directed to
work
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, so it will be
the
Correct article usage
a
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 comfortable tool to
use
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in everyday life. The pleasant design and high performance of new
smartphones
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gives
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give
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 more opportunity to models and gamers
,
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apply
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 than workers. Employees should
use
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laptop
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a laptop
the laptop
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 that was created
special
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specially
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 for office
workman
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workmen
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. They have more
decision
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decisions
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 in solving
work
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 tasks, which strengthens the smartphone status as
everyday
Correct article usage
an everyday
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 life device.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, cell phones allow people to contact with place of
work
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in
Change preposition
apply
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everywhere and every time. It is the main
use
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 of telephones that requires any job. The compactness of
telephone
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the telephone
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 gives
opportunity
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the opportunity
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 to send files and other materials to someone out of the office.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is easy to connect with
boss
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the boss
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 in cases of emergency to inform the reasons for being late or other situations.
That is
Linking Words
 why every employee should have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a smartphone
smartphones
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smartphones
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 in an accessible place. Taking everything into account, modern
smartphones
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 have
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
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opportunity
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opportunities
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 in everyday life, but we cannot argue the benefits in
Use synonyms
work
Add an article
the work
a work
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 environment. I believe that
smartphones
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was
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were
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 created to make it easier for ordinary people to
use
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, rather than workers. I prefer to
use
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laptop
Correct article usage
a laptop
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 or computer to do
work
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 and study tasks.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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