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Band 7.5

For centuries, importan parts of education have remained such reading, writing and maths. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skill be made as a fourth skill to added to the list. to what extent do you agree?

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Computers
 were invented not so long time ago. Even one decade ago, we didn't
use
this
 technology as much as we
use
 it today. Nowadays,
computers
 play a massive role in our lives. Because of that, there are some people who think being able to
use
 a
computer
, is required to be included in the other skills. We really
use
 that piece of technology for every single thing. Even a smartphone
that is
 in every modern person's pocket, is a small
computer
. We consume content, set an alarm to wake up, calculate and
last
 but not least, we study by using
computers
. It is a replacement for so many things. It makes our lives way more easier.
Therefore
, I agree with that statement. You can not really
use
 the world wide web for your needs, because it requires that same
computer
.
Moreover
, with more improving artificial intelligence you have to learn how to
use
 that thing. Without those skills, you would be working much slower than people who know how to
use
computers
 and AI properly.
However
, if a person doesn't live in the city, they do not have to have those skills, because there is no need.
To sum up
, I would say using a
computer
 properly can significantly help you work, and do some of your boring work and it would lead to you becoming a more efficient worker or student. But
for instance
, if you do not live in town or you are not that young and you have no need for technology, you could even end up not having that skill.
Submitted by kajratakeev69 on

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task response
Your essay generally addresses the task and incorporates relevant examples. However, the second reason mentioned needs to be further developed and explained to strengthen your argument. Additionally, provide a clearer stance in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay exhibits a logical structure, but there are areas where transition sentences would help connect your ideas more smoothly, improving the overall flow.
task response
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay, outlining the topic and indicating your stance, which helps to engage the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay, providing a clear ending and reinforcing your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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