Some people think that criminals should be given longer terms in prison, so as to reduce the crime rate. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Opinions are divided as to whether the reduction of crimes can be taken place by long-term incarceration. Despite the fact that there are some benefits of giving a long span in lockup, I believe that it is not effectively key to solve
this
problem. Some
people
hold the idea that if imprisoners were in long-period jail, it would encourage
people
to face their past, build skills and achieve personal awareness. the reason could be the fact that many convicts considered the prison as
a
Change the article
an

The article a may be incorrect. Consider changing it to agree with the beginning sound of the following word extreme.

show examples
extreme nightmare
that is
a difficult time for them to live day-by-day.
For example
, after they have learned and comply with strict rules, they would be able to rethink unsuitable decisions they have made ,
Also
a sense of guilt can prevent human beings from turning back into the failure of their life again. It not only changes their behaviours but
also
enhances opportunities to be
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
right person.
On the other hand
, there are a variety of reasons why I argue against long-term incarceration.
Firstly
, ample evidence suggests that longer prison terms are often inadequate or even counterproductive in motivating
people
to make positive change. If
people
think they have to be in prison for decades, they may be less motivated to take part in programming that helps them reenter society.
As a result
of that once released, they often find themselves ill-equipped to navigate the outside world. The
second
reason is that living in weakened communities can cause more violence since the lack of treatment and support from each other. I am convinced that
this
punishment is not key to changing
people
’s behaviour, it only punishes past actions but not prevents new harm. In conclusion, I can understand why many
people
encourage long-term lockup policy, I disagree that it can be a productive way to halt the violence which comes from criminals.
Submitted by Preawlinz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The best new way to check your essay
Writing9 scans your text for all types of mistakes, from typos to sentence structure problems and beyond.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays:
Need a higher score on IELTS Writing?
After you write your essay, you will be provided with tips with examples of how to make your essay better in order to get a score above 7.