IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?(Advantages and Disadvantages)

It is thought by some people that ,suggesting
children
Use synonyms
to
Remove the particle
apply
show examples
do anything with perseverance always leads them to fruitful outcomes.
This
Linking Words
eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
easy
 will address
both
Use synonyms
 positives and negative facts of
this
Linking Words
idea
Use synonyms
. To commence, It is
importat
Correct your spelling
important
 to develop
persistancy
Correct your spelling
persistency
persistence
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early age in order to have
self-esteem
Correct article usage
a self-esteem
show examples
 and confidence mindset.If
children
Use synonyms
 do not have the habit
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 hard
work
Use synonyms
 , they will struggle in future.
Thats
Correct your spelling
That's
That
That is
 why it is a good
idea
Use synonyms
 to
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to do hard
work
Use synonyms
 in order to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in life .
Beside
Correct your spelling
Besides
show examples
this
Linking Words
,It could take the
children
Use synonyms
 one step forward in their career if they try hard.
Children
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 the capability to learn anything if they have proper
guidence
Correct your spelling
guidance
.
For Example
Linking Words
,
Children
Use synonyms
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been taught good time management with their study always able to
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 any deadline related tasks in their corresponding job fields.
However
Linking Words
,too much
hard
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 have sometimes
have
Change the verb form
had
show examples
 detrimental effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the child.
Firstly
Linking Words
,It is possible to mislead the child with the
idea
Use synonyms
 of
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
 mentality.
This
Linking Words
 is because only hard
work
Use synonyms
 can not always get a successful life.Sometimes,It is difficult to get success without having
Add an article
a
show examples
genuine passion for the
work
Use synonyms
 .That's why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it is not a good
idea
Use synonyms
 to always instruct
children
Use synonyms
 to do anything with
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
.Another important thing to remember,If
children
Use synonyms
 do not have routine life that could arise
both
Use synonyms
 physical and mental problems.
For example
Linking Words
 ,
A
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 research
publish
Change the form of the verb
published
show examples
 by
newyork
Correct your spelling
new york
NewYork
 times state that,A large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
 having sleeping problems as well as
concommited
Correct your spelling
noncommitted
 depression
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over their working behaviour. In conclusion,
advicing
Correct your spelling
advising
advancing
children
Use synonyms
 to hard
work
Use synonyms
 to gain anything has
both
Use synonyms
 merits and demerit consequences .While it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to gain self-confidence and
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
show examples
 career,But false promising and problems related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
both
Use synonyms
 mental and physical
also
Linking Words
 concerning facts related to
this
Linking Words
 advice.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: