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Band 4

The government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government’s #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #funds #services
It is often argued that some sectors are more important than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others,
hence
 may require more funding than those considered of less value.
This
 essay is discussing the notion that funding music and theatre is a waste of money
instead
 it should be used to invest in public
services
. Despite that it is more essential to fund public
services
 than the
entertainment
industry
,
this
sector
 should not be
egnored
Correct your spelling
ignored
. The
entertainment
industry
 comes as a secondary need in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Citizens require proper facilities for education, health etc. These
esssential
Correct your spelling
essential
 sectors have to be satisfied
adequatly
Correct your spelling
adequately
 before other departments which the general population can do without.
For example
 when a part of the country has been hit by a natural disaster
such
 as a cyclone. Funds will be naturally channelled to assisting those areas as peoples' lives will be at risk.
Hence
 critical sectors have to be considered
first
 before spending more on secondary needs.
On the contrary
 to
outwright
Correct your spelling
outright
 say funding the arts
sector
 is a waste of money is not true. It is apparent that human beings are diverse creatures. which means their likes, interests and talents are diverse. Not everyone was made to become
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 engineer, people are broad some are musicians or artists. It is important to nature those with talents in the
entertainment
industry
 in the
proffessional
Correct your spelling
professional
 direction so that they can make a living out of it.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 those in public
services
 need amusement during their leisure time and may listen to music or visit the art gallery for refreshing. The government should not
abondon
Correct your spelling
abandon
 the
entertainment
industry
 entirely as it would demotivate those talented in
in
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
that
sector
. It is apparent that public
services
 are more crucial for the
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 of citizens.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 human beings require basic commodities before luxury items. It is essential that the
governmnent
Correct your spelling
government
 should proportion sufficient funds to these before the
entertainment
sector
. The arts, music and theatre department should not be
egnored
Correct your spelling
ignored
 as it
also
 helps during leisure times.
Submitted by moyosarahs on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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