IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Nowadays some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development？

#people #retirement #communities #adult #children #development？
We live in an ever-changing world; society is changing in significant ways. A clear example is a much older generation living in a
retirement
 home rather than living with their
children
 after
retirement
. I tend to believe there are both pros and cons. In the following paragraph, it will be analyzed
further
.
First
 of all, the essential advantage of the elderly staying in a
retirement
 community is that when they retire from their job, they feel isolated and neglected when they visit their adult
children
. At that time, they will need support to eradicate their loneliness. In 2013, A study conducted by Missouri state university revealed that 60% of older people had suffered from depression because of loneliness.
Furthermore
, in a senior community, it is easy for elders to find people who share their interests, and they can enjoy a lot of social activities together.
On the other hand
, senior people suffer from many diseases like Asthma, kidney problems, heart diseases, and so on. They need all-time monitoring and will go to the doctor at time-to-time. It’s only possible if they will live with their adult closed one.
Additionally
, grandchildren are safe and taken care of by their grandparents when their parents work or leave the town.
For example
, many married females in Dhaka city will do their job free of mind because they keep their
children
 with their grandparents. From the light of the above discussion,
finally
, it can be stated that
retirement
 communities play a significant role after
retirement
 in society. On the other perspective, if they live with their
children
 rather than the old home, it’s good for him and the community.
Submitted by d.meshbah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: