IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

As countries become more developed, many fast food outlets move into the country giving local people greater access to fast food, advantage and disadvantage:

#countries #food #outlets #move #country #people #access #advantage
While rural areas used to consume more traditional/healthy
food
, the recent decades have seen a rise in the rate of fast
food
 in countries.
This
 controversial issue is whether the shift of life is beneficial or not. In fact,
such
 a transition is proven to be a
mix
Change the verb form
mixed
show examples
 blessing
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 is to be investigated. On the one hand, it is admittedly accurate that change has myriad merits in remote areas. In the
first
 place, the
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
 industry provides job opportunities for many people, leading to
economic
Add an article
an economic
show examples
boost
Fix the agreement mistake
boosts
show examples
 to shrinking areas.
As a
Change preposition
A
show examples
 shining example is, Mc Donald’s, you can find it all over the world, which is a restaurant chain and offers cheap fast
food
 as well as a large number of vacancies for indigenous people. So it is an affordable way to experience new or different fast
food
 choices. Indeed these should not be the
solely
Change the adverb
sole
show examples
 factors taken into consideration.
On the other hand
,
such
 change/switch equally shed light on a negative implication on society in general.
First
 and foremost society’s health is being increasingly threatened by the effect of fast
food
. The case in point is, since
such
 prepared foods contain so much unhealthy additives and artificial substances, they can impact on
digestive
Add an article
the digestive
show examples
 system, leading to so many disorders
such
 as obesity, allergy,
edema
Change the spelling
oedema
show examples
, and bloating. There is another drawback to fast
food
, owing to the fact that
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
show examples
 consumerism can be increased air pollution in the country.
Hence
, the average standard of people’s health is likely to be lower in the future. On balance, economically auxiliary as
affordable
Add an article
the affordable
show examples
 way
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
, indeed their side effects cannot be ignored. So we are to pay attention to both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 and make
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
 between them.
Submitted by behnazdayeri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: