IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way.

#businesses #emphasise #products
Today many
company
Change to a plural noun
companies
show examples
 try to show their
products
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
 new
way
 when they do advertising. I reckon
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is a positive trend. In
this
 essay, I will provide some arguments to support my view.
Firstly
, people always love new things. When
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
see
Change the verb form
sees
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 new features added
in
Change preposition
to
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 a product, they feel
attract
Change the form of the verb
attracted
show examples
 to it.
Consequently
, consumers grab the product
instant
Change the adjective
instantly
show examples
.
For instance
, “Lux” which is a well know
company
, always get good sell after their advertising because they earn consumers soul by sharing their content new
way
.
Secondly
, if any businesses want to stay alive in the market, they have to
Add a missing verb
be competitive
show examples
competitive
Replace the word
compete
show examples
 with other competitors.
Otherwise
,
Add an article
the competitor
a competitor
show examples
competitor
Fix the agreement mistake
competitors
show examples
 will get the market
instead
 of you.
That is
 why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
company
 design their
products
 in
new
Change the article
a new
show examples
way
 in their advertisement. Despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
positive trends, it
also
 has some demerits.
To begin
 with, it consumes
company’s
Correct article usage
the company’s
show examples
 money. As a consequence, businesses need to spend money on
this
 advertising system. What is more, introducing
products
 in
new
Change the article
a new
show examples
way
 always not brings
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 side, sometimes customers
also
 lose their interest
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the product. To conclude, without new things it is hard to get consumers attraction
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days. So, for
this
 reason, I believe that it is a good thing to focus on advertising by showing
products
 are new in some
way
. If
this
 system
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 well,
then
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
 will be able to make huge money as well as brand weight.
Submitted by karim.minhaz on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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