Today more people are overweight than ever before. What is your opinion are the primary causes of this? What measures can be taken to overcome this epidemic?

#people #measures #epidemic

Obesity is one of the most serious and expanding illnesses in the

last

decades. Demanding

working

Correct article usage

a working

show examples

lifestyle

, easy access to unhealthy foods and the promotion

for

Change preposition

show examples

media lead

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show examples

it. Governments and individuals should take action

for preventing

Change preposition

to prevent

show examples

people

Change preposition

from

show examples

Verb problem

becoming

show examples

obese.

This

essay will

be discussed

Wrong verb form

discuss

show examples

the causes and the solutions for

this

serious problem. The main reason for being overweight is the sedentary

lifestyle

. Workers work long hours every day to cover their

financials

Correct your spelling

financial

show examples

and

socials

Fix the agreement mistake

social

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need,

as a result

Correct your spelling

show examples

not have spare time for exercise.

Furthermore

, fast food restaurants are very popular because they are almost in every corner of the big cities and usually are cheaper than the healthy options.

For example

Mc Donalds

Correct your spelling

McDonald's

show examples

has an innumerable amount of stores in the United States. Promoting habits like smoking and consumption of soft drinks via advertisement have

as a consequence

to growth

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

number of overweight people. Governments should organise campaigns to teach residents to follow the idea of a healthy

lifestyle

and the benefits so people would be more aware of obesity.

Moreover

, governments in corporations with companies can establish free workout programmes in the

workplaces

Fix the agreement mistake

workplace

show examples

so individuals in

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

office work can enjoy an exercise programme like yoga in their breaks.

In addition

, extra taxes on unhealthy products can lead to raising their price and being

less

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

cheaper. In summary, obesity is a major issue in our society and it is caused by a sedentary

lifestyle

, wrong food choices and advertisements actions are the only way to overcome

this

problem.

Submitted by adsougl on Mon Sep 20 2021

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task response

Make sure to fully address the essay prompt and provide a clear opinion on the primary causes of obesity and the measures to overcome it.

coherence and cohesion

The essay structure is somewhat disorganized. Try using clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure that ideas are connected coherently throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

256 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Today more people are overweight than ever before. What is your opinion are the primary causes of this? What measures can be taken to overcome this epidemic?

Your opinion

Some people say history is one the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Write your personal statement. Is there a problem.

Some cities create new housing for their growing populations by constructing a smaller number of high-rise buildings. Other cities create more of low-rise buildings. Which solution is better, in your opinion?

Some people say it is more important to plant trees in the open spaces in towns and cities than to build more housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?