Today more people are overweight than ever before. What is your opinion are the primary causes of this? What measures can be taken to overcome this epidemic?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Obesity is one of the most serious and expanding illnesses in the
last
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

decades. Demanding
working
Correct article usage
a working

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, easy access to unhealthy foods and the promotion
for
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
media lead
in
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
it. Governments and individuals should take action
for preventing
Change preposition
to prevent

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
people
to
Change preposition
from

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
be
Verb problem
becoming

There may be a verb use issue here.

show examples
obese.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay will
be discussed
Wrong verb form
discuss

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb be discussed. Consider changing it.

show examples
the causes and the solutions for
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

serious problem. The main reason for being overweight is the sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Workers work long hours every day to cover their
financials
Correct your spelling
financial

The word financials doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
and
socials
Fix the agreement mistake
social

It seems that socials may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
need,
as a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
to
Correct your spelling
do

The word to doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
not have spare time for exercise.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, fast food restaurants are very popular because they are almost in every corner of the big cities and usually are cheaper than the healthy options.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
Mc Donalds
Correct your spelling
McDonald's

The word Mc Donalds doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
has an innumerable amount of stores in the United States. Promoting habits like smoking and consumption of soft drinks via advertisement have
as a consequence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

to growth
the
Change preposition
in the

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
number of overweight people. Governments should organise campaigns to teach residents to follow the idea of a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and the benefits so people would be more aware of obesity.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, governments in corporations with companies can establish free workout programmes in the
workplaces
Fix the agreement mistake
workplace

It seems that workplaces may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
so individuals in
an
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
office work can enjoy an exercise programme like yoga in their breaks.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, extra taxes on unhealthy products can lead to raising their price and being
less
Correct quantifier usage
apply

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

show examples
cheaper. In summary, obesity is a major issue in our society and it is caused by a sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, wrong food choices and advertisements actions are the only way to overcome
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

problem.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make sure to fully address the essay prompt and provide a clear opinion on the primary causes of obesity and the measures to overcome it.
coherence and cohesion
The essay structure is somewhat disorganized. Try using clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure that ideas are connected coherently throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: