IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What is your opinion are the primary causes of this? What measures can be taken to overcome this epidemic?

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Obesity is one of the most serious and expanding illnesses in the
last
Linking Words
 decades. Demanding
working
Correct article usage
a working
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lifestyle
Use synonyms
, easy access to unhealthy foods and the promotion
for
Change preposition
of
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 media lead
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it. Governments and individuals should take action
for preventing
Change preposition
to prevent
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 people
to
Change preposition
from
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be
Verb problem
becoming
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 obese.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
be discussed
Wrong verb form
discuss
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 the causes and the solutions for
this
Linking Words
 serious problem. The main reason for being overweight is the sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. Workers work long hours every day to cover their
financials
Correct your spelling
financial
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 and
socials
Fix the agreement mistake
social
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 need,
as a result
Linking Words
,
to
Correct your spelling
do
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 not have spare time for exercise.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, fast food restaurants are very popular because they are almost in every corner of the big cities and usually are cheaper than the healthy options.
For example
Linking Words
,
Mc Donalds
Correct your spelling
McDonald's
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 has an innumerable amount of stores in the United States. Promoting habits like smoking and consumption of soft drinks via advertisement have
as a consequence
Linking Words
 to growth
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 number of overweight people. Governments should organise campaigns to teach residents to follow the idea of a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 and the benefits so people would be more aware of obesity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, governments in corporations with companies can establish free workout programmes in the
workplaces
Fix the agreement mistake
workplace
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 so individuals in
an
Correct article usage
apply
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office work can enjoy an exercise programme like yoga in their breaks.
In addition
Linking Words
, extra taxes on unhealthy products can lead to raising their price and being
less
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
cheaper. In summary, obesity is a major issue in our society and it is caused by a sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
, wrong food choices and advertisements actions are the only way to overcome
this
Linking Words
 problem.

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task response
Make sure to fully address the essay prompt and provide a clear opinion on the primary causes of obesity and the measures to overcome it.
coherence and cohesion
The essay structure is somewhat disorganized. Try using clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure that ideas are connected coherently throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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