IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people spend a lot of money for their wedding ceremonies. However, others feel like it is unnecessary to spend a lot. Discuss both view points and give your own opinion.

#people #money #ceremonies #points
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Nowadays few individuals do more expenditure on their family functions, while , others think that it is
Correct article usage
a
show examples
wastage of
money
. I will discuss both sides along with my opinion in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 paragraphs. On the one side,
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
utilize their wealth
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 wedding parties because they wanted to prove their status high in
society
Correct article usage
the society
show examples
 in which they live and just for show off purpose.
Secondly
, rich
people
 have enough
money
 they spend
lot
Add an article
a lot
show examples
 on special occasions in their family to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the fonds of their children, while poor
people
 spend more so that their children can stay happy with their
in- laws
Correct your spelling
in-laws
show examples
.
Also
 , it
traditional
Add a missing verb
is traditional
show examples
 in many places to give expensive gifts ,
wedding
Correct article usage
a wedding
show examples
 in
standard
Add an article
the standard
a standard
show examples
 hall which takes lakhs rupees, so few
people
 are just forced to do
this
. On the other side,
people
 who think
thatand
Correct your spelling
that and
that
 according to my point of view , it is
notmandatory
Correct your spelling
not mandatory
 to do
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of expenditure on ceremony, because
this
money
 can
be utilize
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be utilized
show examples
 for
other purpose
Change the wording
another purpose
other purposes
show examples
such
 as to provide education to poor
people
 and for charity.
Moreover
, if they save
money
, it can be used in their bad time ,like
people
 can take better health facilities.
Also
 , individuals take loans from banks for weddings which enhance the stress level of
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
, decrease expenses not only reduce their worries
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
 make their life more easy and smooth.
In addition
 to
this
, one can help needy
people
. To conclude,
although
,
people
 spend more
money
 on their family occasions for enjoyment, I believe that,
this
money
 can be utilized for donations and giving teaching to
low class
Add a hyphen
low-class
show examples
 children.
Submitted by Sohandeepkaur9327 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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