IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
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Health issues are a vital topic in some of the nations these days because of excessive consumption of junk
foods
Use synonyms
. The statement given in the topic suggests authorities increase tax on fast
foods
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. My perception is totally agreed with the statement because without introducing that many penalties at least to the fast-food producers, they will not understand the real harm that they are doing to society.
Also
Linking Words
, some
people
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 might say that
people
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 should maintain some self-control to avoid fast
foods
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,
,,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
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 in
this
Linking Words
 ,essay it will be proven that major responsibility is on hands of
government
Add an article
the government
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. Without showing the bad consequences to the fast meal producers, it is
usless
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useless
 to ask them; to add some
nutrion
Correct your spelling
nutrition
 value on their
foods
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, to limit the unethical advertising
campaings
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campaigns
campaign
. They added
mono sodium
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monosodium
show examples
glucomate
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gluconate
glutamate
 which is a chemical compound rejected by many countries because of
it’s
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its
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poisonic
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poisonous
 behaviour. Many of the celebrities were used for their advertising program which
cannont
Correct your spelling
cannot
 be recommended at all. So, when authorized
people
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 increase the taxes,
then
Linking Words
 the food manufacturing companies might think
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 new ways of adding more
nutrion
Correct your spelling
nutrition
nutrient
 value to their
foods
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 as
why
Change preposition
to why
show examples
 they can rely on fresh fruits and vegetables but not using lots of unacceptable chemicals? Governments are capable of imposing an extra tax value over the bad meal manufacturing companies despite whether some of the population could think that society
also
Linking Words
have
Change the verb form
has
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 some responsibility to maintain some kind of
decipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
 over the junk
foods
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. As a country, there is no need
of
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for
show examples
 leadership if
people
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 have to
take
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make
show examples
 their own decisions like in
this
Linking Words
 situation. President onwards,
priminister
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PriceMinister
 and all the ministers were authorized with the choice of
people
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. So, it is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 job of the government to show the correct path to their supportive crowd. In conclusion, without adding more restrictions on food manufacturing companies who are producing more fast
foods
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, it is impossible to overcome the health issues.
Submitted by chamara19d on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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