IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The planet's population is reaching unsustainable levels, and people are facing shortage of resources like water, food and fuel. To what consequences may overpopulation lead? In your opinion, what measures can be taken to fight overpopulation?

#planet #population #levels #people #shortage #resources #water #food #fuel #consequences #overpopulation #measures #fight
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Overpopulation
 has a pretty strong impact on
planet
Correct article usage
the planet
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 and
concern
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concerns
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 many areas of our life. So,
this
 phenomenon is believed
one
 of the serious global problems of our time, which should be considered, and steps should be taken by
government
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the government
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 to prevent
a
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apply
show examples
significant population growth. Depletion of natural
resources
 and increase in mortality are some consequences, which can happen due to
overpopulation
.
Amount
Correct article usage
The amount
show examples
 of water and food is limited,
therefore
 the more
people
 on our planet, the
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
resources
 everyone can get.
Furthermore
, because of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 rise, a large number of trees are cut down and reckless animal hunting
occur
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occurs
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. As for
death
Correct article usage
the death
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 rate, it will rise substantially in the near future, especially in poor countries. In conditions of limited
resources
,
people
 will have to fight for them and the losers will starve to death.
Thus
, if
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 increases above the permissible, it will lead to
destructive
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a destructive
the destructive
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outcome
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outcomes
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. Personally, I think that there are possible measures, which can help to solve
this
 actual issue: government birth control and education.
One
 of the
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
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 to prevent
further
 exacerbation of the problem can be government intervention. They can develop various policies, which connect with tax incentives, thereby encouraging families with no more than two children.
One
 more step for mitigation of the situation is raising awareness on
this
 topic.
People
 should know about how
overpopulation
 affects the world and what disastrous consequences will be led by irresponsible
attitude
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attitudes
show examples
 to
this
 problem. All these measures can give some positive results concerning
this
 issue. In conclusion,
overpopulation
 of the planet is
one
 of the types of demographic crisis, which can lead to
reduction
Add an article
a reduction
the reduction
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 of natural
resources
 and
a
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apply
show examples
considerable growth of death.
However
, political programs for birth control and
people
 education on
global
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a global
show examples
 level can be great steps to eradicate
this
 problem.
Submitted by mar16.f on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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