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Writing Samples
Band 6

Despite the increased access to education, a significant number of people cannot read or write. What are the disadvantages without these skills? And What actions should governments take?

#access #education #people #skills #actions #governments
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The main focus of
education
 is catering to the exam-oriented
education
 system, resulting in numerous individuals lacking reading and written abilities. It embarked the public awareness and the relevant administrative department should shoulder the responsibility of addressing these problems. There are several drawbacks to the incapability of reading or writing. On one hand, they may have a lower competitive edge in the workplace which is a place that requires high proficiency in reading the important notes delivered by leaders and
also
 writing sophisticated reports. Without these
skills
, they find difficulty in fulfilling their job duties and even surviving in the workplace.
On the other hand
,
people
 who cannot read may have a series of obstacles in daily life
such
 as their communication strength will be affected adversely. Reading is a kind of input way to build communication ability,
people
 will not be able to speak logically and fluently without accumulative reading.
Thus
, it may jeopardize their interpersonal
skills
.
Moreover
, inadequate reading and writing
skills
 may hinder the development of literature. A growing number of
people
 who are not capable of reading or writing may have less exposure to the literature.
Therefore
, it will be harmful to the development of
literatus
Correct your spelling
literature
show examples
. To alleviate the relative crisis, the authority should take the initiative to employ some regulations. First of all, the government should implement a diversified educational scheme to emphasize much more practical
skills
 like lexical courses and grammar workshops rather than exclusive exam preparation lessons. The uprooted problem caused by
this
 weakness is that
people
 do not have a solid foundation in the language, so they need to be equipped.
Additionally
, the lifelong
education
 motion should be paid attention to for the sake of the future. Reading-related activities or language-immersive
extra
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
curriculum
Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
show examples
 should be promoted to boost public interest in reading or writing. The opportunities provided
also
 can offer some awards as an encouragement. The
education
 is proposed to boost public intelligence and the strengths of reading and writing are one of the criteria. The government should make more efforts to eliminate the disability of reading or writing so
that
Correct word choice
as that
show examples
 achieve the aim of
education
.
Submitted by vancy0119 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear and distinct paragraphs are maintained throughout your essay to enhance coherence. Your essay showed some organization, but more explicit paragraphing with a clear one idea per paragraph rule could enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Make certain that an effective introduction and conclusion are included. Your essay presents both, yet they could be more impactful by succinctly summarizing key points and your stance in these sections.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. Your essay touches on key ideas, but providing more specific examples will strengthen these points and increase the essay's persuasiveness.
task achievement
Cover all parts of the task to ensure a complete response. While you've addressed the disadvantages and actions governments should take, further exploration and explanation of these aspects, including more varied solutions, could improve task achievement.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and depth in explaining your ideas. Each paragraph should explore its main idea comprehensively, using precise examples and logical reasoning to support your views.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. Using concrete examples can enhance the relevance of your points and make your essay more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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