The only way to improve road safety is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or not?

#road #safety #punishments #offenses

Some

people

say that you will fully enjoy the film if you watch it in the

cinema

however

, others say that we can

use

our

phone

or tablet to watch a

movie

. In my opinion, it is better to

use

your

phone

or tablet and, in

this

essay, I will state the reasons for my viewpoint. One side of the argument is that it is better to watch movies in the

cinema

. The main reason for

this

is because

people

will enjoy the huge screen, and they will see the characters clearly.

Also

, they will hear a good quality of sound effects because of the speaker. Another reason that makes

people

choose to go to the

cinema

is because of the atmosphere. The aircon and the dark surroundings make the

movie

more interesting, especially when

people

chose to watch a horror

movie

. Despite the above arguments, I am holding the position that it is better to watch movies on your

phone

or tablet. The main reason for holding my viewpoint is because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

you do not need to spend more money.

For instance

, when you plan to go to the

cinema

, you need to pay $15 for each person, unlike when you

use

netflix

Change the capitalization

Netflix

NetFlix

show examples

on your

phone

, you will only pay $12 for the whole month.

Furthermore

, not everyone has time to go to the

cinema

. It is more convenient for the working

people

use

their

phone

especially when they are tired after work, want to relax and decided to watch a

movie

In conclusion, watching a film on your

phone

is more convenient because you can do it anywhere and anytime.

Also

watching on your

phone

is cheaper than watching films in cinemas.

Submitted by hazelgacayanvidal08 on Wed Sep 22 2021

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

284 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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