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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many children have become habitual about excessively using mobile applications day and night. Why do you think is so ? What parents can do to avoid this situation declining further.

#children #applications #night #parents #situation
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In today’s period, many youngsters are constantly using cellphones applications throughout the day and night.
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However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
 are both beneficial and dangerous
also
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. I will be discussing my reasons in the following paragraphs. Now Turning to details,
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 want cell
phones
Use synonyms
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
 and
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. It is dangerous for
children
Use synonyms
’s because the addiction
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 mobile is very dangerous for their whole life and their health
also
Linking Words
 because of mobiles
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
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 sleep late and wake up late in the morning. The radiation of
tower
Correct article usage
the tower
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 is not good for their health.
Children
Use synonyms
’s are addicted
with
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 playing
games
Use synonyms
 and making videos on platforms like reels, tik tok and many more. As per
Use synonyms
children
Add a comma
,children
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 they
wants
Change the verb form
want
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 mobile
instead
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 of learning lessons. I think that it was dangerous for those
children
Use synonyms
 who want mobile
everytime
Replace the word
every time
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. Even
parents
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also
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 agree with
this
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 but they can’t do anything because the biggest mistake is
parents
Use synonyms
 has given the mobile
phones
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 to their
children
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, during
survey
Add a comma
,survey
show examples
 the use of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 below 18 was only 27% in 2005 and in
modern
Add an article
the modern
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era
Add a comma
,era
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 it is 87% in 2020. In 15 years direct 60% of
increase
Add an article
the increase
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 in
this
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 era
On the other hand
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,
parents
Use synonyms
 should take the responsibility of using
phones
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 in
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
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time
Use synonyms
. when
parents
Use synonyms
 take their mobile
children
Use synonyms
want
Add the particle
to want
show examples
 to see
cartoon
Fix the agreement mistake
cartoons
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 and
Use synonyms
time wasting
Add a hyphen
time-wasting
show examples
 channels. I think
parents
Use synonyms
 should
banned
Change the verb form
ban
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 channels like
cartoon
Fix the agreement mistake
cartoons
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
time wasting
Add a hyphen
time-wasting
show examples
channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
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 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
children
Use synonyms
 don’t want to participate in physical
games
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 and more.
Add an article
A parent
The parent
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Parent
Fix the agreement mistake
Parents
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 should not give cellphones to below 18
children
Use synonyms
 because it is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 their career To sum up,
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 are
future
Correct article usage
the future
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 of
nation
Add an article
the nation
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 they should not
spent
Change the verb form
spend
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 their golden
time
Use synonyms
 in
games
Use synonyms
 and other applications. They should participate in physical
games
Use synonyms
 like cricket, football, hockey and many more outdoor
games
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mulchand.sen16 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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