IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many children have become habitual about excessively using mobile applications day and night. Why do you think is so ? What parents can do to avoid this situation declining further.

#children #applications #night #parents #situation
In today’s period, many youngsters are constantly using cellphones applications throughout the day and night.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
 are both beneficial and dangerous
also
. I will be discussing my reasons in the following paragraphs. Now Turning to details,
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
 want cell
phones
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
 and
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. It is dangerous for
children
’s because the addiction
of
Change preposition
to
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 mobile is very dangerous for their whole life and their health
also
 because of mobiles
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
 sleep late and wake up late in the morning. The radiation of
tower
Correct article usage
the tower
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 is not good for their health.
Children
’s are addicted
with
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 playing
games
 and making videos on platforms like reels, tik tok and many more. As per
children
Add a comma
,children
show examples
 they
wants
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want
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 mobile
instead
 of learning lessons. I think that it was dangerous for those
children
 who want mobile
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
. Even
parents
also
 agree with
this
 but they can’t do anything because the biggest mistake is
parents
 has given the mobile
phones
 to their
children
.
For instance
, during
survey
Add a comma
,survey
show examples
 the use of mobile
phones
 below 18 was only 27% in 2005 and in
modern
Add an article
the modern
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era
Add a comma
,era
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 it is 87% in 2020. In 15 years direct 60% of
increase
Add an article
the increase
show examples
 in
this
 era
On the other hand
,
parents
 should take the responsibility of using
phones
 in
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
show examples
time
. when
parents
 take their mobile
children
want
Add the particle
to want
show examples
 to see
cartoon
Fix the agreement mistake
cartoons
show examples
 and
time wasting
Add a hyphen
time-wasting
show examples
 channels. I think
parents
 should
banned
Change the verb form
ban
show examples
 channels like
cartoon
Fix the agreement mistake
cartoons
show examples
 and
time wasting
Add a hyphen
time-wasting
show examples
channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
show examples
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
children
 don’t want to participate in physical
games
 and more.
Add an article
A parent
The parent
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Parent
Fix the agreement mistake
Parents
show examples
 should not give cellphones to below 18
children
 because it is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 their career To sum up,
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 are
future
Correct article usage
the future
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 of
nation
Add an article
the nation
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 they should not
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 their golden
time
 in
games
 and other applications. They should participate in physical
games
 like cricket, football, hockey and many more outdoor
games
.
Submitted by mulchand.sen16 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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