IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe that modern technology has made people less socially active, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#believe #technology #people
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There is no agreement that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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developed technology has changed our
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 obviously. Some
people
 think that
this
 breakthrough has made them participate in their society less time. Others and I have a controversy.
However
, both views and my opinion will be discussed in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, there are many innovations that can influence
people
 to stay
at
Change preposition
in
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 their place rather than
going
Wrong verb form
go
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 outside to interact with
the
Change the word
their
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 surroundings.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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youngsters
have spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 their time playing computer games
a
Change preposition
for a
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lot of hours
in
Change preposition
apply
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a day
while
 they neglect everyone else. They think that
this
 activity is more interesting than getting a conversation in person, including talking with the members
in
Change preposition
of
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 the home or
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
this
 group believes that modern technology can keep in touch with their friends and their family
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 online platforms
such
 as Facebook, Instagram and Line. Not only to communicate with them individually but
only
Rephrase
also
show examples
 to be able to follow the recent news from around the
world
 in various countries.
For example
, we can perceive the information of Covid 19 pandemic in Canada and Australia where their acquaintances live without worrying about the location. In my point of view, I disagree that technological development causes
people
 to be inactive. I think that the internet will be able to narrow the
world
 without time and place conditions and make
people
 more socially active than
we
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 used to be. In conclusion, there are different aspects of
cutted-edge
Correct your spelling
cutting-edge
 technology but I strongly disagree that
this
 can affect living in their personal
world
 more than interacting with others in the real
world
.
Submitted by nnnnink on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally clear but could be improved with better organization of ideas and clearer topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clear and effective development. More coherence and cohesion are needed.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant but lack depth and specificity. Try to provide more detailed and precise examples to support your points.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task but lacks clear and comprehensive development of ideas. Ensure that you fully cover both views and provide a balanced discussion before presenting your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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